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rajah's profile
AGE:
65
LOC: Savona, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 19
LOC: Savona, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 19
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Version 1
41 Reviews
32 Comments
We’ve come to say goodbye to Mary I stood on her porch, popsickle-stained and watched a man Trying to hang glide on a low rolling hill across the dirt road. His legs kicking at the sky—punishing it He helplessly hung suspended and inverted above lifeless, earth-bound wings, My uncle, in an ocean of green wheat getting smaller went out to help him. And where is the sting of death A mysterious white barn sat in the protective fold of two hills Neighbors with names of clean country people Who g...
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Reviews
WOW! I'm hooked. I certainly would like to read more. I'm an adult a couple of times over but you darn near had me believing in fai...... I mean weefolk. As you requested, I'm ignoring any repetitions or grammar mistakes. There may be some, but I was so engrossed in the story that I didn't notice. Stating the characters' last names within their conversations is a refreshing way to give them more depth and personality. I'd have to say you have a wonderful way of letting the characters themselv...
In the very first sentence the phrase "he bartended" would flow much better if it were stated instead 'he tended bar'. A small point I know but it was a bit distracting. I wish I had read the first chapter first. It would have stopped the questions that came up automatically. Nice writing but I have a few minor suggestions. Unless she was already introduced in some manner in the first chapter, how did Worth know the girl's name was Sarah. He asked Tammy what the girls' LAST name was so it app...
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