rck419's profile
AGE:
17
LOC: Highland Lakes, NJ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 01
LOC: Highland Lakes, NJ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 01
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Version 3
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Chapter 1 “Peculiar” Max thought the shake he felt was occurring in his dream. When the ground beneath him shook again, he awoke with a startle. Impossible, he thought, nothing could shake the island. Getting up, he glanced out his window. Fonteyn, the name of the city as well as the island, was intact. How? He wondered. Fonteyn wasn’t just an island. It was the only island, the only land at all. It was not part of a chain or the very tip of some underwater range. No, Fonteyn was a floating, ...
Version 2
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Chapter 1 “Peculiar” Max thought the shake he felt was occurring in his dream. Then, when the ground beneath him shook again, he awoke with a startle. Impossible he thought; nothing could shake the island. Getting up, he glanced out his window. Fonteyn, the name of the city as well as the island, was intact. How? He wondered. Fonteyn wasn’t just an island. It was the only island, the only land at all. It was not part of a chain or the very tip of some underwater range. No, Fonteyn was a float...
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
Chapter 1 “Peculiar” At first, Max thought the shake he’d felt was occurring in his dream, in his head. Then, when the ground beneath him shook again, he awoke with a startle. Impossible he thought; nothing could shake the island. Getting up, he glanced out his window. Fonteyn, the name of the city as well as the island, was intact. How? He wondered. Fonteyn wasn’t just an island. It was the only island, the only land at all. It was not part of a chain or the very tip of some underwater range...
Version 1
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Chapter 1 I fear death. In my head this is my life's greatest truth. My conscience knows that I do not fear my own. No, I do not fear what death can bring to me. I fear the pain suffering of others. It was during the summer about six years ago. I was walking through the city the day it happened. A man, some twenty stories up, fell from a window. I saw him falling. As he fell, my vision began to blur. I fell to the ground, my eyes somehow locked on the blur speeding towards the ground. Then, w...
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Reviews
"the ordinary. The ordinary was the name of the pond." very clever. i laughed. this is a style akin to lemony snicket, in my opinion. "Withdrawing his hand quickly, he took his hand out of the barrel of slime" This is borderline hysterical. You could write something big, if for some reason you haven't already. Haha. I hope to read more. All 10's from me.
The windshield wipers couldn’t move water quickly enough to keep up with the storm, strong winds pushed at my small car, causing me to grip the steering wheel with excessive force, and my tires proved to be in serious need of replacement as they slid along the pavement. -This seems to be somewhat of a run on. I would separate it into two sentences, with a period after storm. You detail things well, although I wonder how the character noticed rolling green hills and sprawling farms in a rain s...
haha. Reviewing this simply because it's the only one I've read today to use the right amount of syllables so that I'm not stuck going...well that doesn't work.
"Today, those four words have a whole new meaning. Once upon a time I could see my feet by simply turning my eyes downward. Today, I have to look in a full-length mirror or, heaven forbid, bend forward and fight vertigo to see my feet." I really hate to copy and paste, but that is excellent. Unique humor in that it doesn't really make you laugh, but gets you close to laughing. It seems though that the beat set at the beginning gets lost somehow towards the end. But who am I to complain, I cou...
Good opening. Your description of life after he dies is a good one. Your details were clear and got the point across. I didn't see, at least when I read it, any errors in grammar. "Maybe he had even tried to reach out but found the walls to be too thick." -great way to convey that thought. Nice short piece. R.
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