i think the fact that it doesnt have a form, and doesnt follow any sort of defined rhyming structure, actually lends to it being a good piece. it's outspoken, and clearly displays the feelings of the writer. something like this is very pop-culture, the out of the ordinary random piece. If done right something like this can be a big thing.

Your style is unique. The repetition is uniform and rightly so. I think your writing style strikes me as intense. It is cryptic, yet can be related to. This writing style would make a brilliant book. Keep up the good work.

You're style in expressing yourself would make for good material. This seems so scattered though, as I'm sure you intended it. If you are making this as something to be read, make it more uniform. You ask for critique to better yourself, but then you make the point that this was just rambling. Some sort of structure would make it easier to follow.

In the beginning I questioned whether this story was overwhelmed with adjectives. As I read it though, I realized it was a perfect balance. The details and descriptions provide enough information to clearly see what is going on, yet at the same time leave enough room for the mind to make interpretations. Your writing style is detailed, and you use it in a way that makes a vivid story. Your introduction of the great grandfather is a good one in that you introduce the man and his power before h...

Good opening. Your description of life after he dies is a good one. Your details were clear and got the point across. I didn't see, at least when I read it, any errors in grammar. "Maybe he had even tried to reach out but found the walls to be too thick." -great way to convey that thought. Nice short piece. R.

"Today, those four words have a whole new meaning. Once upon a time I could see my feet by simply turning my eyes downward. Today, I have to look in a full-length mirror or, heaven forbid, bend forward and fight vertigo to see my feet." I really hate to copy and paste, but that is excellent. Unique humor in that it doesn't really make you laugh, but gets you close to laughing. It seems though that the beat set at the beginning gets lost somehow towards the end. But who am I to complain, I cou...

haha. Reviewing this simply because it's the only one I've read today to use the right amount of syllables so that I'm not stuck going...well that doesn't work.

The windshield wipers couldn’t move water quickly enough to keep up with the storm, strong winds pushed at my small car, causing me to grip the steering wheel with excessive force, and my tires proved to be in serious need of replacement as they slid along the pavement. -This seems to be somewhat of a run on. I would separate it into two sentences, with a period after storm. You detail things well, although I wonder how the character noticed rolling green hills and sprawling farms in a rain s...

"the ordinary. The ordinary was the name of the pond." very clever. i laughed. this is a style akin to lemony snicket, in my opinion. "Withdrawing his hand quickly, he took his hand out of the barrel of slime" This is borderline hysterical. You could write something big, if for some reason you haven't already. Haha. I hope to read more. All 10's from me.