I'm a little confused reading through this piece, is it supposed to be fan fic for Green Day or something? I'm not sure what I read, because you had it in second person the whole way through the piece and that always throws me off. I mean, I'm not saying this is terrible but its deffinetly not something I would consider ready to be published. Perhaps it seems a bit immature, just considering the severe use of teenage cliches. Well I thought that the story line was interesting from what I coul...

It’s like hitting a brick wall. More or less the same after feeling, more or less the same state of mind. Or maybe you never hit it; it’s more like staring at the remnants of a brick wall that’s found its equal. It’s left broken and shattered into pieces, it no longer stands in the way of a million different challenges; it no longer presents itself as an obstacle. It is completely stiff and unwavering, and though it makes a moment flow like water through the gaping holes of reality, that wate...

I could really see the affinity for Murakami's off-handed surrealism writing style in this piece, which is fantastic really beacuse I absolutely love him. The plot itself was very original and interesting, I thought, and good to see something so new and fresh from someone else who other writers may deem "young and still learning" (as that's something I often get criticism for). I think it was great for your first story, especially the way in which you developed your story and the characters w...

I appreciated the graceful way in which you presented the story in the beginning, it did not begin abruptly or seem rough in places as many first chapters of novels tend to seem to me, at least. You jumped right into the action and introduced your characters very well, then brought your readers along with you and enticed us to want more. I enjoyed it Farrah

I will be honest, I did not get the chance to read the first two chapters before I read this piece, but I am glad I got to read this nonetheless. At first I was a bit lost in the action but you deffinitely hooked me by mid-chapter, and now I'm very interested in going back and catching that of the story which I missed. I loved the setting and idea for this story, it's fantastic. Farrah

I myself seem to get a huge amount of very harsh, ill-meaning criticism that does nothing to point me in a direction of better writing and more into a direction of just giving up. I am not this kind of a person nor will I review anyone's work just to tell them to give up, so no worries there. You were right about some of the word choice, it seems to be a bit lack-luster in places. My way of dealing with this is just reading parts aloud to myself, and if I find myself getting bored with my own...

You started really strong, I loved the introduction to the characters, Billy being especially fascinating from the readers perspective. I found the entire thing to be fairly heart warming, and I liked the message in the end. Very well done. Farrah

Lauriana is a good character, thus far in I'd say she was nigh relate-able and strangely familiar, sort of like someone I'd known for a long time. But, what really matters isn't small stuff like that, I want to tell you some honest truth. I don't think it's publishable. Now, that doesn't mean it's bad, it's very well written, but so far it is somewhat amateur, it doesn't convince me. When I read these things I like to pretend I'm at a bookstore; I'm picking up random novels and reading throug...