reluctantgeisha's profile
AGE:
29
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 17
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 17
I am a writer and digital artist. I primarily spend most of my time blogging at http://reluctantgeisha.wordpress.com for the time being, until my website is up and running.
Thank you for any feedback or reviews, in advance. I appreciate them.
-Geisha
Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
5 Comments
Mood: Laughing Music: I Drove All Night - Celine Dion Notes: You got something to say, put it in the comments, I don’t check my email enough for all of that. Please. … No, there isn’t anything in my eye. [Did I open the door right up for that one?] I’m a sucker for cute stuff, even if it does add an additional search bar onto my browser. So this will probably be short, but [man that’s funny, considering the title of this blog and what I’m about to say] I’m working this morning, and I reali...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
9 Reviews
9 Comments
Mood: Awake Music: Movin’ On - Elliott Yamin Notes: None that I can think of, except comment, biznoches! LOL Belladonna posted a video blog on her myspace about her herpes scare and STD’s in the “adult film” community (which is a fancy word for porno). On a side note… in her blog, she actually says that 99% of the adult actors and actresses in the industry have herpes. is that a good reason to get into porno? I don’t really think so. These are the types of things that make people dislike me, ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
8 Reviews
7 Comments
Mood: Thinking Listening To: Timbaland f. Keri Hilson - The Way I R Notes: If you’re offended, leave it in the comments, not my email inbox. Thank you in advance. So I wish I knew how to embed youtube videos in my blog, because I find the oddest, funniest, and coolest videos that I have no idea how to show except to link you the way I did with the song above. But for now, I’ll be satisfied with linking you. It’s better than nothing, right? I hope so. I’ve been surfing the web tonight, and I’d...
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
I have to say more than lyrics, this feels like spoken word to me, which is different... and the same as lyrical content. It's hot, but I'd say let your rhythm go. Don't hold so tight to *dun- dundun- dundun- dun. dun.* Because you can let go and play on words and phrases to build a more intricate rhythmic pattern. Experiment! Keep up the good work!
I smiled the entire way through this, seriously. I will say though, truthfully, because of the beginning, I almost missed this wonderful piece. Usually if people aren't caught by your first two sentences, they won't read your piece, and I'm one of those people, as much as it pains me to admit it. Maybe try revamping your first paragraph to tell a bit more about what your story is about, include something about falling asleep with bologna sandwiches, but not too much, so that your reader has s...
I would say more than anything, work on your sentence structure and paragraphs. More than anything. Lengthy paragraphs may serve a greater purpose, but I try to, more often than not, separate my writing into paragraphs as the subject morphs into the story. Look at your sentences and really examine them; When/If your subject changes [even slightly], then it's time for a new paragraph. It's especially difficult when reading on a screen [as opposed to a book] to read through a lengthy paragraph....
I would definitely ask for additional chapters, but I can't say that I'd ask for the full ms or approach you for publishing. I say this because the premise is interesting, but I'd wonder if it was going to border on preachy or overly feminist. Maybe work on your excerpt that you've included to help your prospective agent or publisher see whether it's a humorous writing or otherwise. The title is interesting, and your initial excerpt makes me want to read more, so you're doing great. Good luck...
I would seriously say rethink your rhyme scheme. You don't have to make it something like "time, rhyme, kind, bind, mind, signed" but do try to make it fit better with your poem and your rhythm. It feels disjointed, and your wording could be so much more complex. Your concept is beautiful, and the fact that you ended almost exactly where you began is comforting, it feels like a trip that ends back at home. But don't let the idea of a simple love keep you inside a simple word scheme. Play arou...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
