revanwithin's profile

revanwithin avatar
AGE: 28
LOC: Orwell, OH
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 11

I’m a writer (obviously) who likes to dabble in all the speculative genres. You could say I’m a part-time news reporter by day and mistress of all things dark by… well, all the time in my head. I’m here in the hopes to better my abilities and to find the way to publication. I also write poetry.

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Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
Widow Graysky’s mood improved tenfold once she had received the reverse dowry, and she was quickly out of sight to fetch her daughter. Valenteen didn’t quite believe that Rensor had merely undergone a bout memory loss, but since Wandry had not condemned the aide, the commander took to other tasks as he waited for the most important piece of ‘cargo’ to arrive. He was finishing the Death’s Vein’s final inspection with Erik and Jake when Grip boarded. “Is anything wrong, Grip?” Valenteen asked. ...
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Version 1
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Nothingness and Nevermore The web tightly contracts, as does the iron fist. It sways above our lowly heads, as if to kiss the ground. The nothingness of dirt is there, so muddy black, our souls. The twisting rites, our earthly coven, so invoking to the night. Fragile as the night with wings all broken from the day. The day all shattered from the night. The combat of their courses sway together. Nothingness and nevermore are words, as kissed upon a corpse. Their quality is written upon the lip...
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 Plus-button Clarity
Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
The Descent to Power In the distant days, not long before the birth of King David of Israel, all the angels in Heaven held a Great Council before Jehovah's Throne. They spoke of duties that they had performed or would be performing in the near future. Bright and glorious hallelujahs to the Lord of All punctuated every speech, and the pillared council chamber remained in this normal state until the archangel Samael was called forth. Samael lowered himself into a deep bow, yet the motion lacked...
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Horror / The Family
Version 1
3 Reviews   2 Comments
The Family 5 April, 1799: England I know my memory has failed me in the past, but the facts are now obvious. What we did the other night mirrors what happened before. Yet this time I was on their side. I spilt blood, and now that it’s over… Well, I don’t know how to write it, but I must, even though I shall have to hide these pages when I’ve finished. I will speak against Cousin Benjamin, for no matter what he has told us all, I see the evil in what was done. Of course, if he were to read the...
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Version 1
4 Reviews   0 Comments
Trangor L’sa’s sun had just begun to escape the horizon. Cloudia was headed for the main hangar, which was home to most of the famous Death Fleet, including Valenteen’s favorite ship, the Death’s Vein. Of course the fleet itself was really more sinister in title than in fact. The ‘organization’, which had been founded more than a hundred years before, had been created by a man who had reputedly been somewhat macabre, if not mad as well. Cloudia navigated the base’s corridors with routine ease...
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Reviews
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Dreams part 1
You have a very interesting perspective and I like how this was done. This is well-written and I think your surreal intent comes through interestingly enough. After awhile I was unsure where this was going. I mean the descriptions were great but I wasn't sure if anything was going to happen. That might have just have been me. I can be impatient. Other than that there were a couple of instances of passive voice that jumped out at me. You don't have to change them, but they sruck me personally ...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / The Crimson Blade - Epilogue
This is interesting although it didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Of course, with this being the epilogue it probably means that there are other parts to this and I've missed them. The only thing that I really didn't like was the sentence structure. Especially near the beginning. The sentences seem too long and therefore awkward. Spliting them up and making them smaller would help and you can probably do that easily enough with another edit. I do like this idea however and would like to...
Your descriptions are very Lovecraftian and I like that, and I like all the Biblical references that you put into this. Some of this was confusing, but that's probably just me. "It weighs like sin and tastes like blood." (this was probably my favorite line) As for possible fixes two things jump out at me. "Paris is a palimpsest of cultures and concepts," (I would change the word "palimpsest" to something else. Many people might not know what it means. Okay, I don't know it means, and also I d...
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