rhon24's profile

I love stories told from the first person point of view. I myself just started experimenting with that voice and have fallen in love with it. You have a good voice here, although I wasn't took keen on the present tense used throughout. I almost feel like stories shouldn't be done in present tense, it takes away from the storytelling factor. For me at least. I love the comparison to humans. The buildup in the beginning was well done, and by the time I got to the end I realized that this kid di...

Of all the poems I read tonight this was very, very, very, very moving. Oh my goodness, I don't have alot of cancer in my family with the exception of my great grandpa but still. My favourite line came when you personified the treatments angel was getting by suggesting they taunted her with hope. Then talking about her little fingers grasping her dying day while they tremble. Then the way it describes her passing. Very good, if you've experienced this, my heart goes out to you. If you just cr...

This seemed like a conflict poem. Its like the writer is stuck/traped/imprisoned in a different life with a different situation than the one in his fantasy. His only way to escape is through imagination, his thoughts. He/She seems caught in between the two, but in the end, the sad truth is this love of his will have to remain Clandestine. Even though it kills him/her, reality is admitted. This gives a frustrated feel to it. Hopefully I got it right.

Wow, there was some emotion flowing through this one. I like to imagine things as I read them and in this poem, I imagined everything black and white except the rose. This had that, "whats left of me" feel to it. Very symbolic of the demise of one's heart after feeling hurt, crushed. The imagery was strong, the only mistake you made was minor in the fourth to last line where you used the word heal. I was confused at first but because you said it crushed the petals under the "heal" of your con...