riotinto3's profile

I delete them without a hint of despair or fear and here I am, still banging about in my life without a care in the world...until that one real one hits my screen and then, what? lights out? locusts in my bed? I suppose we'll see.

Hi....you've done alot of work here, it's tight, it moves along, but the phrasing, the way your character speak and to whom they speak, makes the reading of it quite clumsy: "Where in tarn hell is Margaret,” asked Howard with a scorn on his face, to no one in general, but more to anyone who would actually listen." The above sentence is clumsy....is there a crowd and Howard is asking generally? Maybe it might be better if you describ e Harold's scorn and general mood first, then have him look ...

Hi..nice piece,...it doesn;t really strike me as a "story" per se, but if publishers like it, then you;re on your way. good luck