Nice work ...except for the odd letter being out of place, likely caused by the old cut and paste process...it's funny and sad and a little quirky too with just the right amount of irreverance.....I liked it very much..

Well...not sure what to say about this...grammatically, it's fine, nice and tight, etc, but there's nothing happening...the story ends as it starts...no movement, no change in point of view..I guess what I'd say about it is that it's not really a story...no beginning or middle or end...no conflict...sorry to be so blunt, but what you;ve written here reminds me of poetry than it does of prose...good luck with it.

....well, very poignant and touching and the piece almost evokes some anger in the reader when there's no resolution to the pain ...structurally..grammatically, very tight and well written..there was only one line that seemed to make the piece stumble: "As if she couldn’t bear to have me there any longer." I'm not a poet, but if I take out the word "have" and replace it with "keep", then in my humble opinion, it's a smoother and more personal line...overall though, I thoroughly enjoyed it.......

mmmmmmmmmmm.....this is very interesting, but I must say, I don't thin it's a story, per se...it's apparent that the woman is in a cell from the outset, but to be a story, it should, in my opinion, be written in a more deliberate format, a deliberate voice...it's all third person and obviously a letter...could you possibly write it from the point of view of Chelsea and have her mother wrap up the ending when the lights go out on Chelsea? It's only my opinion, but I think then that it would re...

Mmmmmmm...kthe images that pop into my head when I read this poem: a person standing on a vacant street, desolate and dark...cold...no sun...post nuclear kind of thing, and then there's another person standing further up the same street...alone...stark..barren....disilluisioned...in shock....they can;t even speak to each other...there are no words for what they feel..or don;t feel...it's a great bit of evocative writing, in my opinion, and I'm a bit of a prick when it comes to handing out com...

....Ok, so this genre is mmmm...I dunno...dark?...I think it's a pretty good piece from a grammatical, stylistic point of view and it flows very nicely...while reading it though, I wondered if she knew what was coming...was this what she wanted, to join him? If that's the case, then I think the piece could be stronger if the woman's anticpiation might impose upon the rest of the story and thereby give it some texture...what was it going to feel like to die....when...did she really want to go ...

....ahhh...the teenage angst...and you did well with it, nailed it I'd say and if you're 15, then I commend you..yes, I'm thinking it's likley autobiographical and yes, it has some pimples, but the person who is going to read this piece, a fellow angster, they'll not notice and they'll relate I'm sure...keep wriitng..you are very talented...

Hi..nice piece,...it doesn;t really strike me as a "story" per se, but if publishers like it, then you;re on your way. good luck

Hi....you've done alot of work here, it's tight, it moves along, but the phrasing, the way your character speak and to whom they speak, makes the reading of it quite clumsy: "Where in tarn hell is Margaret,” asked Howard with a scorn on his face, to no one in general, but more to anyone who would actually listen." The above sentence is clumsy....is there a crowd and Howard is asking generally? Maybe it might be better if you describ e Harold's scorn and general mood first, then have him look ...

I delete them without a hint of despair or fear and here I am, still banging about in my life without a care in the world...until that one real one hits my screen and then, what? lights out? locusts in my bed? I suppose we'll see.