robinDEredwine's profile
AGE:
42
LOC: Lexington, KY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 22
LOC: Lexington, KY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 22
I find it so difficult to write these summaries, as it’s so much more fun to write about someone else. So, taking a deep breathe, I’ll spit it out all at once: I currently live in Lexington, KY, enjoy gardening, am contemplating college again at the age of 41, and escape in books, both reading and writing them.
I never knew what I wanted to do when I grew up. Thus, it’s not surprising to know I’ve been a flight attendant, paralegal, and real estate agent. At 41, I finally figured it out; I want to write, get published, and tell the stories ever present in my head.
I truly enjoy honest critique, as I feel it’s the only way to enhance writing. Thanks for reading my work. :) Robin
Items
Version 5
18 Reviews
14 Comments
Chapter 4 Lacey had a hard time waking, finding the down mattress much to her liking. Even though the feather tick poked her multiple times throughout the night, it was much cozier than her Sealy Posturpedic. The room was frigid since no maid had come to light her fire; she missed its welcoming warmth. She jumped from the bed, and found the requested items; a freshly laundered shirt and knickers were folded on the chair -- they were roomy given Lacey’s small frame, but worked. Shoes presented...
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Version 2
18 Reviews
29 Comments
Chapter 5 Lacey woke in a trance, instinctively reaching for her cell phone. In the darkened room, she patted the bed, fluffing pillows and flipping sheets. She sat up, trying to remember the last time she’d used the electronic device and waves of emotion washed over her – she wasn’t home, there was no cell phone, her parents were gone. Family was no longer there at the touch of a dial. Tears welled and lost the battle. It felt like a vacation the first few days, but she couldn’t call her mom...
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Version 4
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Chapter 4 Lacey had a hard time waking, finding the down mattress much to her liking. Even though the feather tick poked her multiple times throughout the night, it was much cozier than her Sealy Posturpedic. The room was frigid since no maid had come to light her fire; she missed its welcoming warmth. She jumped from the bed, and found the requested items; a freshly laundered shirt and knickers were folded on the chair -- they were roomy given Lacey’s small frame, but worked. Shoes presented...
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Version 3
19 Reviews
9 Comments
Chapter Three Victoria’s Secret was never more fun than Lacey’s first introduction to the English countryside. Just watching the landscape from the window of the elegant coach was a delight. Horse drawn carriages, dirt roads, street vendors selling bread, dirty urchins playing unknown games, and the dresses. Oh, the dresses. The wonders she saw in the twenty minute ride put any period film to shame, leaving Lacey thirsty for more. The carriage glided to a stop; Lacey threw the door open, and ...
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Version 3
20 Reviews
16 Comments
Prologue August 24, 1902 Women in our family are raised to believe every fourth generation a daughter from our tree will travel back in time. We don’t understand the purpose, or why it happens. Some foolish part of our mind justifies this disappearance. Are we correcting history, fixing some tiny injustice that forms man in the future? Or, are we merely testing fate to see if it will actually happen again? We see a generation of healers, one with knowledge, and another with the gift of herbs,...
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Well, no doubt about it this is beautifully written. I feel like it starts stronger than it ends. Two comments: 1. I was guilty of doing this, as well, and a critique told me once that if I wrote a piece strong enough, there was no need to emphasize a word with capital letters. The text speaks for itself. I have learned this is true. It's not necessary. :) 2. I have also learned through the years that it is RARE (i don't practice what i preach haha) for a writer to need an exclamation point. ...
I'll edit first, then give you my opinion at the end: Each verse naturally adds a pause, why not add a comma for effect? This verse A secret my love is but one day be no more. doesn't flow naturally, but has the potential to be one of your strongest lines. You know how sometimes you hear a love song, and you JUST CAN'T explain why it brings tears to your eyes? This has that potential...but it falls just a tad short. It's better than good, but it's a little less than awesome. Make sense? I bel...
I'm going to handle edits first as I go through the pages, and will give you my opinion in the end: "...Artemathia in exchanged for her." This should be in exchange for her. Go through the document and look at the superflous use of words like "had" and "that". Oftentimes, you will find the sentence flows more strongly WITHOUT the word, uncluttering the sentence. You use the word "her" frequently. Perhaps you could consider using her name in some places, or "friend" or whatever her title is (s...
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