I'm goin to critique first, then give you my opinion: 1. "You hide behind your beauty using it as a veil to hide the void beneath." 2. "Behind your beauty...behind your beautiful"...I would try to change up the word choices as they're too similar, and stacked too closely together. 3. "You tempt me your smile, it conveys an innocence unknown to you." This is punctuated all wrong, subsequently throwing it from a beautiful sentence, to what sounds like an incomplete one. Try this: You tempt me; ...

This is really deep thinking. I'm not sure that "soulless constructs" works for the context. Mechanically, I can't find misspelled words, or nitpick anything in particular -- but I feel like it needs a bit of work, particularly since it's such a fun read, and has so much potential. In all, I TRULY like it...I just think you need to tweak it a bit. I'll end on an example: There is no progress here, we are moving but it is never forward and seldom is it fast. There is no progress here, we are m...

against, into my silkiness did you mean against, or again? Try it with 'again' you I surrender i feel like this needs to be broken somehow? "You -- i surrender" Well this is beautifully written, provocative, and mind-blowing. I could only question two word choices, which shows how well done it is. Nice! :) Robin

I am going to do edits first, then give you my opinion. That way I can do the edits while I'm reading: 1. " “If you go on one date with him and don’t enjoy yourself. I promise to stop trying to set you up.” " This should be one sentence, separated by a comma. 2. "“Suz your 5’5” with a great body nice Auburn hair. Beautiful lips and an awesome face structure. You could have been a model." This should be: "Suz, you're 5'5" with a great body, nice auburn hair, beautiful lips, and awesome face st...

Possible should be possibly. Persuade is spelled wrong. In all I truly loved this, though. It is light enough, but still thought provoking, it allows the reader the opportunity to apply it to SOME relationship in their life, and leaves them with the possibility of love. Very, very nice!

"Everyone gets busy. It is human nature to have a job, work to do. I, too, have had things to do. I can’t help but feel as if I" This is incomplete. It just ends on a dangling thought. I wonder if in a cut 'n paste if you missed a portion of it? "...telling you that I do, without a doubt, keep coming back." This doesn't flow properly. It needs just a tiny bit of tweaking. In all it is very heartfelt, which is what you obviously want to portray in a love letter. I believe most readers can con...

that know one knows about (the first know should be NO) Innocence is spelled this way. Rapist is spelled wrong toward the end. I don't know how I felt about this one. Very few mechanical errors, but such a controversial topic, it's hard NOT to hear the words and separate that from the poem itself. I look forward to reading more of your work. Robin

I'm going to handle edits first as I go through the pages, and will give you my opinion in the end: "...Artemathia in exchanged for her." This should be in exchange for her. Go through the document and look at the superflous use of words like "had" and "that". Oftentimes, you will find the sentence flows more strongly WITHOUT the word, uncluttering the sentence. You use the word "her" frequently. Perhaps you could consider using her name in some places, or "friend" or whatever her title is (s...

I'll edit first, then give you my opinion at the end: Each verse naturally adds a pause, why not add a comma for effect? This verse A secret my love is but one day be no more. doesn't flow naturally, but has the potential to be one of your strongest lines. You know how sometimes you hear a love song, and you JUST CAN'T explain why it brings tears to your eyes? This has that potential...but it falls just a tad short. It's better than good, but it's a little less than awesome. Make sense? I bel...

Well, no doubt about it this is beautifully written. I feel like it starts stronger than it ends. Two comments: 1. I was guilty of doing this, as well, and a critique told me once that if I wrote a piece strong enough, there was no need to emphasize a word with capital letters. The text speaks for itself. I have learned this is true. It's not necessary. :) 2. I have also learned through the years that it is RARE (i don't practice what i preach haha) for a writer to need an exclamation point. ...