robinonettey's profile

robinonettey avatar
AGE: 30
LOC: Conway, SC
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 21

I am, at the core of me, a poet: I’ve been writing since I was six. I also enjoy writing and reading short fiction and have recently begun to explore personal nonfiction through memoir. I also write children’s stories occasionally, inspired by my two year old daughter and the lack of representation of families like ours.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Poetry / The Lost
Version 2
10 Reviews   15 Comments
Just outside of Tulsa we stop for fuel and rest. My lover drops into sleep an easy peace. It is a rare gift— I wait for the same. When we wake my hand is on her soft stomach, the other behind her head entangled in her hair. The bed sheets, sticky and sweaty, wound round our legs like spider webs. Then it is another day. The sun is wild and destructive— the dashboard chaps and cracks and beneath is yellowed foam— canyons and crevices we will never explore. Next to me she...
Poetry / The Lost
Version 1
5 Reviews   1 Comment
Just outside of Tulsa we stop for fuel and rest. My lover drops into sleep an easy peace. It is a rare gift— I wait for the same. When we wake my hand is on her soft stomach, the other behind her head entangled in her hair. The bed sheets, sticky and sweaty, wound round out legs like spider webs. Then it is another day. The sun is wild and destructive— the dashboard chaps and cracks and beneath is yellowed foam— canyons and crevices we will never explore. Next to me she...
Poetry / The Fire Ants
Version 2
7 Reviews   7 Comments
The Fire Ants I stumbled on them in the dark. They spilled from their maze of holes, bitter conversation burning at my throat. Eight million pinprick letters scatter up the ash white newsprint of my bare leg— angry words march across paper— their sole purpose to hurt me. How like them I am; How confused I am by them— their feet, infinitesimal, burdened with fire and pain. I think I would like to hear their voices, read the nuances of movement and dance— as if by lovin...
Children's / My Favorite Margarite
Version 2
13 Reviews   14 Comments
Penny was sad. She was trying to write a letter to Margarite, but she was having a very difficult time trying to say what she wanted to say. (page break) Margarite was mommy's special friend. They all lived happily together in a big yellow house on Sycamore Street with Patches, Penny's dog, and Snuggles, Margarite's bunny. (page break) When Margarite was around Penny and she did everything together. They would make cookies after school when mom was still at work. They would play with Patche...
Children's / Jaynie and the Bad Day
Version 2
10 Reviews   21 Comments
Jaynie could tell it was going to be a bad day. She knew it even before she opened her eyes. (page break) The wind was howling outside and the tree near her window was scratching the glass. (page break)   At breakfast Jaynie and Mommy stared glumly at their bowls as Mom served up the oatmeal. The three sat around picking at their breakfast. “Hmmm,” said Mom. “You two seem as sad as a pair of drowned mice.” (page break) "I know just the thing!" she said...
Reviews
Sci Fi & Fantasy / We Come In Pieces-Chpt 1 & 2
Covered with dirt, I entered our two bedroom prison cell. (The interjection makes it confusing, the comma makes it less so at the begining) "Married with Kids" Linen-female friend (you wrote male)...women found in magazines. Slammed the house door, speed walked over...(The semi-colon is overkill) Back and forth in the light brown living room (but honestly, this is such a minute detail I'm not sure it's even needed--kind of distracting like telling not showing) When we discovered...(Once is wi...
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Violent By Nature-S4-Chapter 3
too much money too many times Stadium, and, most importantly, ruin Gunnar’s life, just as he did to mine (simple sentence revision.) We searched (past tense) Oh! I missed some chapters. I'm horribly sad to have Wren gone. Bad things happen to good characters. I'm interested in seeing how much Bram could grow from the experience. Having a hard time jiving this image of Gunnar with the image you've given before.
Poetry / Not Today
I like the form added to this poem because I like to see you trying out new things. I'm not sure that it makes it stronger though. The line "A tigress stalking fresh morning meal" seems out of place, forced. I can see the image, but I don't see how it connects. The last stanza seems weak. I'm not sure if it is the lack of image or if it is the meter change, or if it is the wrenched synax...not sure, but something makes it not quite the thing. The last line, though, is unsettling and rightfull...
"I needed to find her, Wren"-- this seems awkward. Maybe just "I needed to find Wren" " twenty-four seven and removing graffiti " comma before and You're not worried about him seeming like a creepy stalker for following him around for two weeks? "It smelt pee"...it smelled of pee (smelt is a kind of fish) lets move=let's move couch handle? maybe couch arm 'I'm not violent' speech earlier...and why the question mark? Exactly. We had to act now... Having it spread further This is good. I'm look...
Poetry / ANSWER ME!
The last stanza seems weaker than the rest of the poem. I think it starts to become weaker when you say "their mere existence" then following it with a long, award line that doesn't really convey any clear image. the next three lines are stronger, but the ending doesn't resonante. Partly I think because it is a repeated line...not that a repeated line is necessarily bad, but there's no pattern to this repeat. Over all, it is a cool poem with a very "Brazil" feel to it. Quite surreal.
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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ITEMS (27)

 

Poetry / Potential
Haiku/Senryu / 9/17/07
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Addict - 3 & 4

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