rori_calhoon's profile

rori_calhoon avatar
AGE: 20
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 31

I just want to improve.

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Short Story / forgiveness
Version 1
16 Reviews   2 Comments
The red wound stains her perfect skin, one perfect drop. her runs of scars showing the world--she can feel pain. She feels the numbness fade, as the pain shoots through her arm.She knows its wrong, but she keeps going back for more. Stealing, wanting, needing, hoping for some escape. Waiting, begging to feel, asking if and when her God will save her. Her parents leave her on her island, never knowing her secret. Her friends worry, maybe she's in too deep. Her teachers wonder, what happend to ...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / i expected more
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
sometimes you let go of what you've been holding onto so tight. you can't help but lie and tell yourself how it will be alright. you can still feel where it sat in your hand, and you can still smile saying "footprints in the sand" but what happens when happily never comes? what happens when lonely becomes alone? what happens when forever comes too soon? what happens when the stars outshine the moon?
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / You Will Be True
Version 1
3 Reviews   1 Comment
my light is running low, if i had any sense at all i'd kill it now but avoiding the truth has always been my strong point, why change horses in midstream? i can't blame anyone this time i wish it was my fault that i could apologize and all would be fixed or maybe it could stay broken, just dont throw it away. what am i gonna do? who am i going to turn to now? why cant i let this go? how am i gonna make it through? its true we sold our souls to make a profit its true we fought a war for our ow...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
7 Reviews   1 Comment
Elementary school gave us promises. Told us that we could be whatever we want. Lucy wanted to be an English teacher. Tommy to be a fire truck man. And little Willy wanted to be the swamp creature. But you and me-- we wanted to be anything but ordinary. Never settle, never die. Never let them see you cry. We said we'de make it on our own. Just like Bonnie and Clyde, But you said "we're like the Stooges", So you said I'd be Curly. Yeah you and me-- we'de be anything... anything but but ordinary...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
i really really REALLY like your song. i think you are a fantastic lyricist. i do think that the second verse doesn't quite follow the same vein as the first. the beginning definitely drew me in, it made me say -- like "hey. this is /my/ song!" but i think the second verse feels a bit shrugged off. kind of cliche [i do like the last line of it though]. i'm not sure i have any constructive words to say about how to fix it, i just know it makes me squint my eyes, if ya know what i'm sayin. all ...
I like it. You chose a really relatable topic. Who hasn't wanted a beautiful person to love them? Whoh hasn't wondered why the person they are dating decided to be with them. Although it is relatable, in parts it is a little corny. Like " I use to say holy cow What’s a pretty like that Doing with that bow wow " I don't know if it is intentional or not. In general, good song.
I really liked this. I think it is written in a really interesting style. It is very poetic and intense. The reader doesn't really get a clear impression of what's going on though. You don't really know any background or any real story on the character/s. You only know their feelings -- not to say that is bad...just a little confusing. All in all, I really did like it. I think if it was a little longer it would have a pretty good chance of getting published in a literary magazine.
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Lyrics / I Love You
There are quite a few spelling errors in it, and it has a real "teen" appeal to it. All in all your lyrics or poem is very good. Mostly because of the relatability (i don't think that's even a word) of love. everyone has been in love, or been frustrated with a crush.
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Short Story / Cosmic Stoner Pt. 1

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