I have to be honest with you -- this is very high school. I think that the ambiguity of it makes it feel like it is just that sad little lonely emo kid in the corner. I think it is a good idea, it is just a matter of fixing it up and making the idea stronger or more narrative.

This doesn't really make any sense to me.

I wouldn't defintely read this to my neices. I think this is good, it is a story parents would enjoy just as much as their children. Good work.

I liked it very much, I actually don't have any criticism! Sorry. I can see it as an actual recorded song, I can even imagine the music to it.

This would be really really cool if you could do it in a classic 80's-type punk song. I can completely see it. I don't know what kind of feel you were going for, but that is what I got. I really liked it. Good work.

This was really good. I loved the attention to details.

There are quite a few spelling errors in it, and it has a real "teen" appeal to it. All in all your lyrics or poem is very good. Mostly because of the relatability (i don't think that's even a word) of love. everyone has been in love, or been frustrated with a crush.

I really liked this. I think it is written in a really interesting style. It is very poetic and intense. The reader doesn't really get a clear impression of what's going on though. You don't really know any background or any real story on the character/s. You only know their feelings -- not to say that is bad...just a little confusing. All in all, I really did like it. I think if it was a little longer it would have a pretty good chance of getting published in a literary magazine.

I like it. You chose a really relatable topic. Who hasn't wanted a beautiful person to love them? Whoh hasn't wondered why the person they are dating decided to be with them. Although it is relatable, in parts it is a little corny. Like " I use to say holy cow What’s a pretty like that Doing with that bow wow " I don't know if it is intentional or not. In general, good song.

i really really REALLY like your song. i think you are a fantastic lyricist. i do think that the second verse doesn't quite follow the same vein as the first. the beginning definitely drew me in, it made me say -- like "hey. this is /my/ song!" but i think the second verse feels a bit shrugged off. kind of cliche [i do like the last line of it though]. i'm not sure i have any constructive words to say about how to fix it, i just know it makes me squint my eyes, if ya know what i'm sayin. all ...