rossetti's profile

First off, I didn't like think the term, "about to pooh-pooh the story" really fit in with your dialogue. Second, I think you need to describe your setting so much more, especially in the first paragraph. I can see them talking to each other, but the setting is still questionable. I really like Tarn even though he seems to be too cautious for his own good and sort of, not so smart about certain things like he's missing something. I also don't like Kharoon. He reminds me of the lion from "The ...

Okay, I don't know why, but it struck me as an Eragon/Indiana Jones mix. The characters have very unique names, that's for sure. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but some of the names of the characters and the places sound like something you came up with that has implied meanings and a...an inside joke. Like the gangangers? Al Shiram? It reached a point where it loses all reality too. That's not bad, as long as it fits it's alternate reality implications. It's very well written, don'...

I wrote a review for the previous chapters and I was so happy when I found this!! Anyway, same comments prety much except for the conversational dialog. Somehow, the way they were conversing in the crime scene seems way too CSI and less reality. I don't know if that makes sense...Anyway, this is fantastic work!! Great job! Love the way you describe it!!

Normally, I wouldn't read books with alternate realities like yours. Surprisingly, you seem to prove my previous impressions of such stories. I really like your beginning. I base my decision on whether I would read the book or not by the first and last sentences of either the entire book or the first chapter. I really like how you started it. "I am not by nature a peaceable woman, though I would like to be." - It really fits in with how and who she is explained to be later on. It also somehow...

I like the flow of the story how it's all pouring in at the right speed. Here's the thing though, you did describe the setting, but not in an imaginably visible way. Like, I know what you're talking about, but I can't see it. Just using other words will fix that. I think you crossed the line of being serious by just a tad which is why I couldn't picture it in my head... The story also doesn't give anything away. I can't tell anything other than what is said. So, I don't know, introduce the co...