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rotivator's profile
AGE:
31
LOC: Appleton, WI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 12
LOC: Appleton, WI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 12
I never focus on form when it comes to poetry, with all do respect to word-smiths, I find if you focus too much on meter, the meaning has to be confined. I like to focus on the inner workings of the mind, and perhaps the absurdities of life.
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Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
He was no fool. The best way to resist temptation was to avoid it. Yet here he stood, three feet from the innocence he wanted to briefly possess in his jealous coal heart. He really should go, his mind fled, feet rooted. He shouldn't be here. Confusion in innocence, hands spread, an explanation offered. Confusion fled, in its place Stood fear, FEAR? He was no monster. Why should innocence recoil? His feet eclipsed distance before thought could sound warning. Innocence was in his grasp. His mi...
Version 1
9 Reviews
7 Comments
His eyes were busy elsewhere when the space above his shelf shifted. The movement caught his attention and drew it. What was that? His scrutiny caused his chest to clench with a strange sensation of unease, but revealed nothing amiss. Still...his feet turned him and as he moved closer to his shelf, he started to feel more foolish for his anxiety, but there is no harm in looking. As he drew nearer the overbearing normality of his surroundings made him question if he had even seen anything at ...
Version 2
1 Review
0 Comments
Across the broken floor, Broken home, broken door. Past piles of faded fragments of faded lives; I see you across the table, across the years, a cross to be nailed to.
Version 3
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Shivering warmth coursing through my skin. Heady sensations filling my body, my heart, the night air. Emotions flowing through me, like a wild river, that sweeps me away, dissolving me into the intoxicating waters that bring me to you. My hands now bound in your silken hair. My desperate lips, searching out your own, trying to let my love flow through their contact, and draw your love into me. My hands dropped from your hair, down your back, cupping your flesh, and drawing it next to me. Pres...
Version 1
3 Reviews
4 Comments
Across the broken floor, Broken home, broken door. Past piles of faded fragments of faded lives, faded memories; I see you across the table, Across the years, a cross to be nailed to.
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Reviews
I think I would like the story better if it was written from a different perspective. I think in trying to capture the essence of the main characters thoughts and affects that it slows down the narrative, and mutes your ability to be descriptive. I also found your abundant use of exclamation points to be rather distracting. Overall I found your form of something like Mark Twain writing high fantasy a breath of fresh air, I would be interested to see how you evolve this piece.
I appreciated the thought behind this piece it is easy to think of the soldiers sacrifice, and to not take the time to think about what their families go through, thanks for the thought.
To me in feel your work reminds me of Simon Green's Deathstalker work. I feel which fun and entertaining this is primarily a dialog piece and to create a really believable world you need to flesh out it bones, not just assign names to them. Overall though I enjoyed the pace and entertainment quality of this piece.
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