rusinclair's profile
AGE:
39
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 20
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 20
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Version 2
4 Reviews
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Looking down at the small gathering below, God sees his children. He watches as they carefully and sadly contemplate recent events, trying to find some meaning from them. He sees their entire lives from birth to the present and unto death. Jesus feels the physical pain, the creak of muscle fiber slowly tearing as his bones bend slowly bowing to gravity’s pull. Then a scorching voice, “why must you insist on this insidious act? This is such a waste of time dying for a pathetic failure. Why sho...
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Version 1
7 Reviews
4 Comments
Looking down at the small gathering below, he can see his children. He watches as they carefully and sadly contemplate recent events, trying to find some meaning from this. He sees their entire lives from birth to the present and death. He feels the physical pain, the creak of muscle fiber slowly tearing from his bones bending. Then a scorching voice, "why must you insist on this insidious act? This is such a waste of time dying for a pathetic failure. Why should you suffer? You gave them a c...
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Reviews
Dare I review this after reading such a brilliant review of a review? With all the ways to approach a creative response to rejection from one writer to another, facing such a task can be like looking in a mirror at another mirror, where does one end or begin? This is a very tasty, playfully entertaining jab right back at ya moment of thought, captured well in writing. I can very much relate to such an event having just received a light warning for one of my reviews.
A twisting poem slowly revealing surprises, leaves the reader wondering from one line to the next is this about sex or the cosmos or are they really one and the same? There is only one part that seems awkward "or we are spirits engaged in rapture and only can we luck employ. " That line needs to be smoothed a bit as it hesitates, moving against itself and seems to interfere with the totally effortless flow of the rest of the poem. Smooth that one line out, make it flow as effortlessly as the ...
The first half is all about your obsession with Gaye and gets a little stale after a bit. Yet it does succeed in completely illuminating your character. Gaye seems to be in her own little world. When a dead body shows up you seem to be locked in your own wonderments, not even able to react, but stuck in thoughts about what occurred how the person died. This is a shocking fracture that does serve to jolt the whole story in a new direction and yet it clings to the theme of people being together...
Overall it is very well described, really takes the reader deep into the sadness, shock and loss of a loved one. The mixed emotions of grief are very well articulated and move in and out from the still aching loss to the longing to move on. There is only one small issue.. "I swallowed half my drunk" probably a typo drunk changed to drink sounds better. A very moving and well written piece.
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