Such a romantic piece but confusing only secondary to the association with blue as sadness. Consider looking at your subject matter and pulling out critical words then forming a sentence. Blue eyes can and should be more than a descriptive "blue". Change the endings of "you" and use other rhyming words. Clear eyes, radiant blue, bleed their color into you And within that colour my love is true ...or Spill into your heart where love's so true. ...etc... Working on each sentence individually wi...

The air is crisp with autumn’s mist,...rolls off the tongue well and good use of descriptive words and texture. Her face, as delicate as fine lace,...consider changing the first "as" here or eliminating it. Never ending eyes are open so wide,...eliminate "are", it throws the flow off. Skeleton branches itch like scratches,...brilliant and intelligent. while emptiness dances in lonely trances....again brilliant. When the brute bells of midnight toll...such a significant line but seems somewhat...

Very emotional and intelligently written piece, it was a pleasure. Your use of vision is fresh and quite good...nearly masterful. The rhymes are well done and I particularly like the use of colors as you have painted a canvas of words...brilliant. please consider using a word or two here as the flow is interrupted between i am simply_________fleeting haze, when compared with the sentence immediately preceeding it. my somber grays...excellent! still-unfullfilled, consider: I am stilled. Beauti...

When you didn’t fall...a little confusing opening, it may push some readers away. Try to describe or what is exactly meant by when you didn't fall. To your midnight eyes...very interesting concept and visual. I cursed the sea...use some color here, it will not only increase the sentence length to form unity in the visual piece but it will create a richness few poets think about. (although you used color very well in your piece) Let the sun turn black...an interesting thought depicting despai...

Very clever how you used heeling off in the first line related to the sandals. I let my soles linger...consider bathe, or something different. Perhaps something to do with the regeneration or healing properties of the moment. Linger, although an usual use here sounds intriguing but somehow doesn't fit. before curling onto cool steel...nice visual. like a rippled sheet...lengthen this sentence for the asthetics, it is much shorter than the others. Consider the crispness or fragrance of being d...

The entire piece creates quite a visual. I would like to have seen more use of color though. I loved the enhanced colors you used, masterful! quiet, a Waste Land framed...nice effect. dead skin stretched into a celestial lampshade...wild thoughts provoked here, like an old womans body. My thigh bleeds...consider a sensation here; the tickle or itch of blood trickling. , the land withers and pales...excellent! cold earth and find no purchase...interesting. She whispers,...again, very nice effe...

A little complicated for the "average Joe". I loved it though, as I am a nurse and it is a very intelligent read. Remove "the" from quantities of the relevant. Otherwise, very nice. Thank you for the opportunity.

Love is a masterpiece Birthed from the heart Blossoming true embodiment Nurished as far as the rain PERFECT second verse! Love grips from the insides...powerful visual, very good. Formed on a stone of gray...return to heather gray...incorporate it, it is an astounding effect. Nourishes a fragile life All cries of mourning...beautiful. Overcoming every toil...perfect. Setting free the ammunition...consider a different word for ammunition, it's too mechanical for the warmth disclosed by love it...

Consider putting your last section first. It leads the reader into a piece of mystery and intrigue. Use some words to describe happiness, peace, the dark. Consider the abstract meaning behind their uses. In doing these things, you will not only lengthen the piece but make it more interesting. There is more to say, much more regarding the subject. Expand on why you are the one who loves the most. The second section is very poetic, masterful and intelligently written. Thank you for the opportun...

Raise the dead, feed the fed...very intelligent. elaborate designs...consider something different here. clouds are clear,...? Books are open What you've done There’s my brother, here’s his mother and there is my ex-wife...consider changing the last line into something much more clever, your piece deserves a show stopper! Great work! I have added it to my favorites. There is no presence of a victim. Bring life to the victim and make the reader connected to the piece. It is a grand wprk. I see...