sarafarey's profile

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AGE: 28
LOC: Portland, OR
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 18

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Novel Treatments / Rough Draft Chapter 1
Version 2
8 Reviews   2 Comments
Mementos of the Afterlife By; Sara L Rowley Chapter One I would say cheapness and an incompetent mechanics shop landed me on an embalming table. Currently I am a corpse trying to adjust to my new surroundings. The idea seems a little awkward to me. To wander in a strange limbo not knowing what purpose this place serves or my role in it. I’m in what can be called the ER waiting room of the afterlife. I’ve been sitting in these chairs whose colors reminded me of the baby food colors gone wrong ...
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Version 2
8 Reviews   0 Comments
If you had to write about a fire to a blind man how would you convey your thoughts?
Poetry / Summer Delights
Version 1
2 Reviews   3 Comments
Summer Delights By: Sara L Rowley Watermelons gliding along my skin. Sweet pink juice, collects in my belly button. Supply sticky and wet where have you been? I selected our love nest at the inn. Your words suffocate me and weigh a ton. Watermelons gliding along my skin. Ice crinkles and crackles as you pour a gin. Hands delve into water of Lake Padden. Supple sticky and wet where have you been. Passion and sex drives are not a sin. Hair wispy and silky soft as cotton. Watermelons gliding alo...
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Poetry / Borrowed Bodies
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
I stared at spongy yellow bone marrow, and the red rope muscle wrapped around cut spaghetti tendons. My mouth filled with stomach acid and formaldehyde. The sheet peeled back revealing the head of the skinless corpse. His lips looked like two earth worms stuck together. I picked at my dry chapped lips. The sheet kept rolling down the corpse as though the professor was peeling an onion. I saw the lungs next black holes and burnt flesh. He died of lung cancer, worked in a print shop. I thought ...
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Poetry / Flesh
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
Flesh Wishbone child formed in the rearview window. Streetlights flicker an animal approaches. Nose pressed into the ground tongue darting out moving side to side. Tasting the next midnight snack. Half the child runs home, the other half sits next to me. I press on the gas lurching forward and looking back.
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Reviews
I sat hear reading this going okay I know I'm a procrastinator and this is essentially a string of thought on the subject. The idea of lingering and wondering fit the mood I had when doing this review. I was left wondering where exactly this was ultimately going and whether this should be a writing exercise. Anyway these are just my thoughts.
I have to ask when are we going to see a different piece from you. While this does give helpful advice, it's gotten old to see the same piece over and over. I mean why aren't we seeing any of your new pieces? Also saying 99% of the writers on the site make common mistakes makes for an arogant line. Then you state a critique is not necessary then why post it or keep it posted. When you say everyone writes crap, why don't you tell us about some of the crap you wrote? Then explain why you figure...
Poetry / Itch
I know you are trying to capture the experience of attraction and the feeling of connection. To make this more powerful I would say try to take out some lines such as the second one. Describe the craving for us. For example is it like when your asleep and falling of a cliff and a sudden jerk pulls you back, or is it more calming sensation.
Poetry / Words
I find it interesting this is titled words and yet not one word is spoken in the created experience. What you are trying for is an abstract idea, backed up by the concrete. I mean the conception of love is one that is truely expressed and felt through actions and events. When you write about fresh memories bring them to life. Make me think I am eating on a forbidden apple of love.
Journalism / Woodward and Bernstein
A lot of this information I was already aware of so I was trying to focus more on your writing style. There were a few word choices, which didn't seem to enhance the piece and came off as a little out of place. The word whilst really just didn't work for me. I knew where you were going with the thread metaphor, but when mentioning the adminstrations side my brain went to spears not pieces of thread. These are the nit picky things, but overall the writing flowed well and was well structured.
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