saveusjeebus's profile
AGE:
25
LOC: Santa Barbara, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 13
LOC: Santa Barbara, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 13
I am here to join a community of writers that does not require going to a coffee shop. I loathe coffee. I have a degree in literature, but did not take an interest in writing personally until sometime recently. I like to write dramatic pieces to express my own views of the world, and humor pieces because humor is my view of the world.
Items
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
The Zeitgeist The text message arrived without warning, catching Ryan mid-sip while he sat in his living room, indolently enjoying an unemployed Friday. "Well Fuck me, I'm fired" Ryan leveraged an eyebrow about midway up; it was the most interest that he had showed in anything during his two weeks of unemployment. He scanned the top of the screen for the name of the sender, and was surprised to find that it was from one of his most charming friends, Denise. He wondered how Denise had possibly...
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
I was walking that night. Alone. So Alone. SO ALONE! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I was alone. And walking too. It was night time. I don't know what is is about that last block, it always makes me feel over dramatic. Something in the air maybe? A pestilent wind whipped at my nostrils. my eyes watered like the silvery Nile my jacket swept up over my nose a shield of Perseus against the Gorgon smell a raging poison i could not quell. So I walked faster. I don't know what it is about t...
Version 1
11 Reviews
4 Comments
I am a reader by trade. Reading is in my blood, and it is in my history. My father was a reader, my college degree is in reading, and a man who enjoyed reading killed my father when I was a boy. I am surely equipped with the means and motive to read most anything. And it is to this point that I must address several complaints I have found in my recent readings. Primarily, there is a shortage of vowels. The reader of English will of course be given to protest, but I plead that you hear me out...
Version 1
12 Reviews
2 Comments
I was walking that night. Alone. So Alone. SO ALONE! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I was alone. And walking too. It was night time. I don't know what is is about that last block, it always makes me feel over dramatic. Something in the air maybe? A pestilent wind whipped at my nostrils. My olfactories engorged, my eyes watered like the silvery Nile my jacket swept up over my nose protection, a shield of Perseus against the Gorgon smell a raging poison i could not quell. So I walked fa...
Version 1
6 Reviews
1 Comment
Maria Jabez was a woman. She was a single woman. She wasn't always a single woman, but she was now. Maria had 3 children, a small family by the standards of her community. Unlike other families in her community, Maria had managed to send all of her children to college, and good jobs after that. As a result, all of her children had moved very far away, and visited her exactly twice a year. They were not bad children; they called once a month, they remembered birthdays, and they would support h...
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Reviews
Very short, I was hoping for more. Your prose is some of the smoothest I have seen on the site, and that counts double for the sci fi section. I'm afraid I don't have much in the way of contructive criticism for you, partially because this is a very short section; however, I'd definitely like to read the other bits. One warning though: having read a lot of sci fi, good and bad, psychic stuff is a bit of a minefield. it can turn super corny in a big hurry
Wow i really liked this. The opening two lines are a nice setup. I think the inherent sadness of the poem is balanced out very nicely by the natural imagery and the feeling of life that thrives even in dismal places. spelling problems ? discust = disgust? merky = murky? forom = from?
I honestly don't read a lot of young adult stuff, but the genre is interesting so I may have to do more. I think it's fine, it did leave me wanting to know what happened in the shed. It's a very short chapter, so you may want to expand it more depending on how the ensuing chapters go.
The writing is very good. Tells a simple story and tells it well. The only thing I would watch out for is under use of commas and over use of the dash. two sentences in a row may be pushing it on that one.
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