i like the quiet, touching solitude of this poem. the activities of a person that is alone like feeding pigeons and writing and chatting it up with a skunk, they're lonesome but not depressing at all. maybe it's the kind of person i am, but there is a certain kind of joyful solitude even in a city that sucks.

it's certainly a good venting poem. I think stuff about suicide tends to grow wearying, but I think you play the disappointment angle well. What I want from the poem is another image, a counterpoint to your great image about commanding an empire from a stale hospital room. then id be happy :)

Hmmm. It's a detailed recollection story, to be sure, but I think it strayed from the point. I was kind of hoping for the comedic center, as it were, to be a more specific story about your father's cursing. As it is, there is very little dialog for him. The end was pretty good though, you wrapped things up nicely and put it in good perspective. I just hope you can add more to the story specifically about your dad and his cursing

i liked it, it feels like sci fi but without a lot of the crap that usually bogs down sci fi. I think you need to do a very careful grammar and word check, first of all, i noted several mistakes. Your title should definitely change: sounds like total shlock sci fi, unless it's an intentional irony on your part. The part I really hate to say is this: you have to make it sound less like a 17 year old is writing it. Even if the character is 17 and its from his perspective. Work on maturing your ...

Very imaginitive, I like the descriptions as well. Right now it feels like halfway between the smurfs and the gnomes who make shoes. I look forward to seeing how it differentiates itself down the line. Im also excited for things to really get rolling at that mucuc factory

You did a good job raising the tension, and the moral at the end was good, except you probably don't have to say Moral: in an aesopian fashion. Also, you have to add more depth to the whole act of placing a soul on the table. saying 'i put my soul on the table' doesn't connect in quite the same way as showing it somehow.

The writing is very good. Tells a simple story and tells it well. The only thing I would watch out for is under use of commas and over use of the dash. two sentences in a row may be pushing it on that one.

I honestly don't read a lot of young adult stuff, but the genre is interesting so I may have to do more. I think it's fine, it did leave me wanting to know what happened in the shed. It's a very short chapter, so you may want to expand it more depending on how the ensuing chapters go.

Wow i really liked this. The opening two lines are a nice setup. I think the inherent sadness of the poem is balanced out very nicely by the natural imagery and the feeling of life that thrives even in dismal places. spelling problems ? discust = disgust? merky = murky? forom = from?

Very short, I was hoping for more. Your prose is some of the smoothest I have seen on the site, and that counts double for the sci fi section. I'm afraid I don't have much in the way of contructive criticism for you, partially because this is a very short section; however, I'd definitely like to read the other bits. One warning though: having read a lot of sci fi, good and bad, psychic stuff is a bit of a minefield. it can turn super corny in a big hurry