christ in concrete man. the imagery was stark, spartan, and goes well with the subject. particularly liked "Asphalt ladders closed when wedlock ceased at dawn." i think of upton sinclair i guess. not much to critique. trotsky was no white knight. look at what he did to voline.

the technique is interesting. gives a cohesion, like spontaneous prose meets kurt v. does pov change, or the scientist making the product suffers the same fate as those using it? that wasn't clear in this selection, but i'm assuming as much. the subject was light/dark and well written. overall i think your experiment is going extremely well. gg

i see the deft hand of commerce choking the soul and will of a nation. grey clouds and proud heart. a greater devotion to people and not ideas as marx didn't even believe himself after some time in france. the imagery is clear and evokes a distant hum, an engine running somewhere beyond view, chewing folks up and spitting out happy meals. i've a genuine reaction to this. gg

it's obviously a pretty straight foward tale. nice to see a bit of levity. i think the thirty min. writing technique is working for you, and i suppose brevity is the soul of wit. i would like to see where this story goes, seems like something that would be nice to have on a long trip with nothing to think about. it's absurd, but in a good way, like running down 14th street at three in the morning with a stolen garden cart. like your nose falling off and exploding into puss. don't get too bogg...

i also love when folks walk to the printer. i dig the way it moved, like a ten second snap shot in the brain. 'Her head looked like a maraschino cherry with gray hair'- good metaphor.- 'hoping not to get pulled in by the gravity of the planet next to me'- another gem. 'damn it man breath'- should it be breathe? perhaps some deeper description of the library would add some humorous juxtaposition. other than that it's good for what it is. thanks gg

i see a little more of faux with this. 'he projected their crudities across the dreary landscape: half the truth and half the lie.' an excellent way to go into the duplicity. the language projects giant bleeding brush strokes, an expressionism which is nice juxtaposition to the last chapter i read. it does get a little bogged down at times, like you wrote this with thesaurus in hand. had to stop twice and pull out the dictionary. keep in mind most folks read on a fifth-grade level (if at all)...

you have some story-telling quality that may be shaped with experience. unfortunately i found the story itself tired. it reads a bit like a b-movie from the 80's. i think you should focus more on the characters with this- perhaps give the reader a reason to care about frank, and his motives. he lacks dimension- perhaps follow one of the fire-fighters from a closer vantage point as well- give some real human quality, like the down time just before the alarm sounds- some conversation they are a...

the metaphor of the story, while slapping me in the face with a blown-glass hand as i read, was still clever. the fragility, the vulnerability, like the surface tension of terse water, while below the current fights everything. the 'breaking pieces off and leaving them places' was a nice touch. overall i liked it. the awkward sex, the boyfriend wanting a piece of her, and trading her memories in for bigger tits, all nice touches. the imagery came apart a little when she ran out of the house a...

provoked a reaction. 'Her wine stained lips would pucker and her hands would begin caressing her own body.'- liked this line, very expressive. the solipsism is ripe here. think this is overall quite good, but after reading it, i lost a little more faith in humanity. with the exception of the other guy's wife, all characters involved seem quite contemptable. an audience may be hard to place for this. i think it's well written, though. would like to see what else you've done. -gg

well the last paragraph was good. i know it's flash fiction, but i have no reason to care about these characters and their deaths. i think it was written well, - 'The remarked'- should be 'they remarked'. some commas i think are missing. i did like the foreshadowing in the first paragraph, the shadows growing. i think you have talent, this piece just didn't grab me, though. thanks, gigi