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sehoner's profile
AGE:
30
LOC: Sacramento, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 18
LOC: Sacramento, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 18
I write whatever comes out. Mostly poetry at this point in life. I do have a novel in the works. I don’t want your “college-educated-by-the-book-has-to-be-a-certain-way-cant-think-outside-the-box critique. Tell me you like the piece, tell me you hate it. then tell me why and earn your credits. I am not above asking for a refund. I have done it before and will do it again.
I wont change any of my work once its posted. Dig it? My objective is not to impress anyone with my work, but if you can relate or are moved by anything that i might write down, then that is my reward.
Thank you for listening.
Rich
Items
Version 1
9 Reviews
9 Comments
Kill me, Just kill me, Or at least quench my thirst, Padded steps sounding, My chest fills to burst. The day is too hot, And long is the light, Inside there is darkness, Blacker than the blackest of night. My anger is kindled, Wrath soon will set, On this you didn’t count on, Nor did you bet. Throat muscles tighten, As legs start to shake, A roar that does deafen, Blood vessels will break. I know they all know, I know they all see, They think I am crazy, They point, laugh and snicker, When lo...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
11 Reviews
15 Comments
“I had a dream, which was not a dream at all." Lord Byron I’ve often wondered about the simplicities of man. On many occasions I have sat alone and thought deeply about what life means to me and what life means to others. What would life in another time or place? What would life look like to me? What would I think about others? What would others think of me? What would life feel like through hands that are not my own? And what would it sound like through different ears? And what kind of pers...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
9 Reviews
8 Comments
The average American male. Lo and behold, On a winter summer night, I saw something darling, That was such a fright. My mind boggled still, To that such a thrill, Even with all said, Gives me a chill. Sound of the voice, Be still in my head, It leads me to images, Of shame and of dread. Wipe off my brow, And clench trembling hands, My tongue feels like deadwood, With a mouth full of sand. Standing still frozen, Wait for darkness to close in, Soon a soft part of you, To the world will be open....
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
8 Reviews
8 Comments
In an overstuffed chair, Alone in the dark, A life is extinguished, Like the end of a spark. To smile no more, Or laugh once again, His sad lonely tale, Has come to an end. Born the young son, He strove through his years, To be what a man is, And fought of all his fears. Love found ‘twas easy, She tried hard to please him, Alas his heart wanders, Like the passing of seasons. Lacking a purpose, With turmoil sub-surface, He sought resolution, But found none in the service. Armed in a great war,...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
9 Reviews
10 Comments
Cannot I see where my blind eyes hath been? If I was to open, If just for a moment, Then may I be able, To tell this old fable. But if I cannot see, Well met would we be? And if I cannot hear, Would your eyes hold a tear? Donne a cold shoulder, Soon ‘twill be over, I beg hear this story, And I will adore you. Lend not your heart, To tear us apart, But speak from within, And hold no more sin. Bittersweet mist, Blown away with a kiss, Said you had buried, The things that you list. Lovers we be,...
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Reviews
Wow. I guess that is an omen to all those that wish for more than they are given. A very good read, but a rather long winded way to say, "curiosity killed the cat". I liked it. A little mystery and intrigue wrapped up in a story about a culture that is set in its ways and has severe punishment for those that balk against it. I like Anajali, am wondering who the hell is the fairest of them all? If not her then whom? One suggestion though, you have a few run-on sentences that should be chopped ...
I think this piece could and would be much better if you drop most of the periods. I am sure you wanted each line to have a substantial impact and thus the reason for them. However, with a stream of consciousness as I believe you were trying to depict remember this. Most if not all revelations come in a flash and I think a faster pace would lend to that idea. Hence the "lightbulb coming on" cliche'. Other than that you have a very vivid imagination and I applaud your ability to shape words in...
"Sticky grape bubble gum, caught on my chin," Are you implying that everything seems to blow up in George's face? "I hate the smell of turnip." Is that why he fell off yesterday? Overall I am not sure about the piece. You said "It's is a work in progress" so I guess I can't knock it at this point. We will just have to see the semi-finished product. One thing though, The analogies are quite good.
"of which I do not wish to be a part. I do not wish to be apart." The difference in words (or maybe a typo?) leads me to believe that the subject does not want to be a part of the same chauvinistic society as all the others before her and does not want to leave the bosom of her mother, the queen. "You were the stone-eyed queen with a cement tongue; you abandoned entire countries at whim," That is a very powerful passage. I see sun-tanned skin, piercing eyes of jade, sun lightened brown hair f...
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