sfritsch's profile 
AGE:
37
LOC: Madison, WI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 07
LOC: Madison, WI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 07
37 years old.
Writes to exercise the mind and exorcise the sadness.
Hope and joy on a horizon.
Walking.
Items
Version 1
6 Reviews
8 Comments
An irrelevant, yet practical loser Has lifted a self-imposed repression. Why? The first part of his life was spent running in place. He once chose not to see or be seen, For the sun exposed his faults with aimless illumination. He felt doomed by his timidity and lack of attractiveness. Women’s disinterest in him numbed his normalcy into a translucent coma. The weight of loneliness pressed his soul into a thin paste. His heart became a convective organ of blood alone. Past failures, missed cha...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
13 Reviews
5 Comments
Two people, a street, two directions. My timidity unlocks. I attempt to look into the eyes of a woman I do not know. Her eyes look through me, away from me, past me. A glassy gesture of active indifference. My eyes, newly weighted, fall to the ground. Gravity knows all.
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
Reading this, Hamlet springs to mind - so, to "mangly" misquote Shakespeare : To write, or not to write, THAT is the question... Your six words seem to me to be asking that question - whether 'tis nobler to put one's life (or "many years experience") onto a page or not. Or is the comma a substitute for the word "of" - which would indicate a longer period of hesitation? Very intriguing. I liked it very much, and I am glad I was able to read it.
Very emotionally strong words of a deep pain. The use of unusual punctuation and line setup at first jarred me, and while I felt the pain of it I honestly didn't like how it was phrased. But after re-reading it a few times it began to make perfect sense, and I liked it more and more. Pain of this magnitude IS jarring, and your poem reflects that. I felt a circular path to your words, stating both the disjoint of the situation and the attempt to grasp the ungraspable (or nothingness). I thank ...
I like how it builds through the first four words - from "mated" to "procreated." But then "Words communicated" doesn't seem to continue the progression. Maybe you could try "Words raised" or another similar way to phrase it that brings out a meaning like the upbringing of children (or words). A good start though - and I thank you for letting me read it.
I fully agree! Your quote reflects my current journey, so I feel it personally. To take that chance in life, to decide to roll the dice, makes ALL the difference. Thank you very much for letting me read it.
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
