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shaibal's profile
AGE:
34
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 31
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 31
I live close by sea somewhere in Wales, UK. The city is just small enough for me to breathe in and not large enough to get lost in. Here, I live in a small terraced house overlooking the railway line, shared with two humans and my affectionate little tabby cat.
Urbis is useful to me. The stories submitted here have generated useful comments that I had found hard to come by elsewhere. Most of my stories are published online on e-zines. They are not in print, however, I would actively seek publication should the chance arise. The tales ate self-conscious observations on life. The characters might be fictional or real perhaps somewhere in between. The narrator is sometimes myself and sometimes a fictional version of me. The storyteller t…
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Tale 1 Love Somewhere on the other side of this dark night there is a bar. She is in that bar. Her each smile correlates to a rise in Fahrenheit. The men, from each crevice of this establishment had been stealing the odd glance throughout her presence. First, they were a little coy hardly wanting her to know precisely what they had been eyeing up. She knew. Her smiles are mandates to leer more. Sassy, sexy, slender blond with pale blue eyes and soft curly hair. Her legs reaching up all...
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The narrator is trying to get away from something. Despite the allusion to a blood trail, it feels like you have used an allegory of sorts? It is immensely readable. I am not sure if that is just your composition skills or perhaps my general penchant for poems of this sort. I love the start. 'Wasting away' is a wonderful starting line but it does not seem to be followed up but something equally powerful. I would have wanted to know the reason for feeling that way rather than just a follow up ...
I am still in the process of starting to understand the nature of flash fiction. That it is over in a flash is a pity here. I wanted to read more. There is a natural flow to your style. However, that very flow does seem to make the reader want to read on. I would like to know a lot more about the protagonist's ultimate goals. For instance, we know that he comes from far away and was misty. We also know that he is searching for an abode and you are alluding to a search. Yet what is the goal? I...
I am still finding your style problematic if it is supposed to be an emulation of Henry James. The context and the stylistics does not seem to combine. There are particular expressions that are a little too American and for that matter, reek of contemporary American expressions. I have listed a handful from the first page. Following expressions are problematic for me – Daresay = dare say Fix a pot of tea = make a pot of tea, make tea and in certain parts, make a brew There are minor grammatic...
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