This definitely paints a picture of life on the open range. I can't even imagine what being a herder is like. Well, that's not true. This story paints the picture. I love how the story is told. The slang. The inserts of the word, yea, seem to reiterate what the narrator is saying. I think this is very well written.

I'll admit, I was thrown off by the titel. I read Tristan and Isolde and I'm thinking the old tale, set in back in the day. The fact that it's modern kind of threw me off a little. But I think you did a good job of showing how he's collected his "brothers" throughout the ages. Just a question. What does a German look like? I know you said he could be a Hitler youth, so does that mean he's little, with brown hair and a bad come over? Hitler had the idea of the Ubermench, which would be blonde ...

I think you definitely minimized the passive voice. I was most impressed with how crisp and precise the description of the bar, the guests and the atmosphere were. For some reason, I found myself wanting to know more about the music playing. Not that it was the major theme of the story, but I could visualize everything else in the pub, I really wanted to hear the music for myself. What made the narrator stay? What had he/she done all day, and what plans were they giving up to stay around this...

That was really cute. Mountain Dew is the devil's urine. That stuff is GROSS!!!! It tastes like flat soda, but that's just my opinion. I love the fact that you refer to it as "Luciferian". That's funny. It appears that you have a love/hate relationship with it. You love it because it gives you the chance to be a winner at life. Just like the other millions of Dew addicts...all hoping to see those lovely words under the cap. But like a gambler, you have to drink more, in hopes to win. Never on...

Although I think better suited for the satire/humor category, I enjoyed this. As a smoker, I am pissed that I can't even smoke in a bar. Really! It's a freakin' bar. What else am I supposed to do while I drink my beer? Liquor and cigarettes go together like cake and ice cream. It's a damn shame, is what it is. Now, I'm all for nonsmoker's rights. But now when you step on mine, so they'll have them. Cool. I won't smoke in the mall or at the library. But if you can't go in a bar and expect it t...

Oh, nothing like a little self abuse to make for a great story, huh? You know, I've noticed that those two themes seem to make the best seller's list. What ever happened to a good coming of age story when people weren't abused as kids? When they just like baseball and would spend every hour of every day playing the game? Or the stories about star crossed lovers? That doesn't happen anymore either. No, I think you're right. Abuse, is definitely the way to go. And in this day and age novels abo...

You know, that too is one of my complaints about this site. I understand it's a necessary evil so we're not racked with those, "Great, please post more soon." comments. But really? When did we get so uptight about what kinds of reviews we recieve? Some people get us, some don't. Some just want to complain about something. Some people, just want their credits back because they're selfish. You know, virtual or not, when people see a possitive number associated with their name, they get a sense ...

I think this is a really good dark story. Especially since by the end, you elude to these being children. There's something more horrific about it being a child that these tortures are done to. I'm slightly distrubed by it being with kids, but that's the purpose - to evoke a feeling in the reader. Right off, the first thing I noticed is that the tense switches quite often in the story. I know you don't want grammar reviews, but it'll help the reader if you don't switch so much from future to ...

Wow. That was a little all over the place. But I guess stranger sets of circumstances have happened. The first first paragraph really doesn't flow with the rest of the story. It wasn't until 1/2 way through it, did I realize that Lana was the caseworker, or that Vanity was the client she was waiting to show up. Here's a side note, but if Lana was a real person, I'd have her license. I don't care how crazy the client, social service workers CAN NOT talk to clients like that. That's grounds for...

I really liked it. I totally get the poker references, with the full house, kings, and queens - even though I have no idea how the game is played. I always find it interesting when people write poems, especially rhyming poems, that tell a fluid story. That's talent. I really liked the imagery. I saw an old western saloon, with the wooden doors, and can-can girls dancing to the sounds of the Entertainer being played on the piano. I could hear te sounds of the shot glasses being slammed on the ...