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shigemitsubaki's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: Philippines
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 16
LOC: Philippines
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 16
by day, I am an arts student struggling against a tide of homework.
by night, I am an arts student struggling against the lure of the 7th coffee cup.
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Version 2
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"CUT!" The newly-hired clapper boy swiveled his head around, stuck his tongue out at the director and threw the clapper board at him. It missed, but it did knock the pompous fatso's beret off. Paula Marie, the leading lady, bit her lip. Damn, honey, you should've aimed a few inches lower. The boy spun around and skipped away, hitching his loose pants up so as not to trip on them, completely oblivious to the director's screams. Everyone on set longed to waltz off just as the kid did, but they ...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
"CUT!" The newly-hired clapper boy swiveled his head around, stuck his tongue out at the director and threw the clapper board at him. It missed, but it did knock the pompous fatso's beret off. Paula Marie, the leading lady, bit her lip. Damn, honey, you should've aimed a few inches lower. The boy spun around and skipped away, hitching his loose pants up so as not to trip on them, completely oblivious to the director's screams. Everyone on set longed to waltz off just as the kid did, but they ...
Version 1
17 Reviews
0 Comments
By the time this letter is found, it will be too late. They may come for me tonight, seeking blood for that time long ago, when I was young and stupid... if only I had fought harder back then, and found her before they did...if only... it could have- News Today (local tabloid) -by F. John, April 20-- The bullet that killed DI Matthew Eisenhower was fired from at least nine feet away. That however could not be said for the eight other bullets found inside him. Suspects? None. Detective- Inspec...
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Reviews
the main story is very interesting and highly amusing, but there are a few parts that could probably use a little cleaning, like "It took him a few seconds to realize it was his men screaming and shooting blindly at the kind of things that only appear in books or nightmares." maybe it would sound better if it were shortened a bit like so: "...and shooting blindly at things out of a nightmare." While it makes a good short story, I think you might have difficulty stretching this out since she h...
there are still a few spelling errors left, but I really do like your writing style, it's not too graphic- it describes the scene but allows me to imagine a few details on my own. the first part of the sixth paragraph could probably use some rewording though; "A movement across the street draws my attention. The temptress exits the building in a rush. She looks nervous or scared." The first sentence is rather awkward, I think it might be better to change it a little and combine it with the se...
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