shoppingcartfreedom's profile

I'm getting closer and closer to being caught up... woohoo! On with it: "...considered the tranquil..." - the Black Hawk's occupants did not consider - considered = positive, the "none" is negative. Always positive before negative. "...was ‘The Flight of The Lost’." - I can't believe this isn't the chapter title When the scene focused on Colby, it struck me. Didn't Colby run up the hill after the sniper? As a reader, I want revenge and an entire chapter of Colby hunting the sniper could be a ...

Very entertaining read, SH. I can see similarities in the piece (ie body as the canvas), but you took it in a completely different direction than I did. Your artist does it for the sake of the art. Mine is not an artist and is completely a stab on the ego-centrism of getting the tattoo and taking the meaning for one’s self. The reason I used frames was to put himself “on a pedistal.” Anyway, I’ll keep blabbing because there is no way I could stay under 400 words with a gem like this… Review: ...

Its more a character sketch, so I'd go flash vignette. It was entertaining and kept my interest until the end. Concept is great, verbal abuse wearing down the life of a woman until she is reminded of what she lost. Painting as the outward expression is excellent, lack of painting mixed with self-neglect as the demise is also good. The only thing I want is revenge. The outburst is definitely an empowerment, but I want her to hang him upside down and cut out his organs, criticizing the shape an...

Good flash, very entertaining. The BE colloquialisms threw me a bit, but I figured out all of them except for "biscuitise" which, as far as I can tell, is making something in the style of a biscuit. "keeping my forehead" - you mentioned rhinoplastic, but we are talking about her forehead. Generalizing her face as potentially cracking would solve this, the sauce and collagen is great. "As Linda preened..." - This was a fairly abrupt transition. Have Linda pay for the lipstick and walk away. I ...

Good read, the roulette was very amusing with the dialogue. "One round, six chambers..." and I was hooked. Your really going to have anyone's attention after that, so I would recommend moving it up towards the opening. "unless positive...sense in playing" - If this is the motto, give it some space, its own line maybe. It is lost in the narrative. "I'll explain them..." - Who is speaking? Ryan Dogieve - Why do you use his full name? The "Dogieve" is kind of an awkward read and is a little dist...