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singmehappy's profile
AGE:
35
LOC: East Hartford, CT
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 08
LOC: East Hartford, CT
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 08
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Version 2
5 Reviews
0 Comments
The sound of the dropping rain reminds me of tears shed from pain The drip-drop drip-drop splatters are cries of woe when a heart shatters I do not know when the flood will end maybe this life is not real - just pretend I need some shelter from the storm maybe a lover's arms to keep me warm Or perhaps a drink or two to numb my brain sometimes I feel like I'm going insane Please help me to discover the truth I'm not a very clever sleuth I need to find peace of mind a friend's hand, oh so kind ...
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Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
The sound of the dropping rain reminds me of tears shed from pain The drip-drop drip-drop splatters are cries of woe when a heart shatters I do not know when the flood will end maybe this life is not real - just pretend I need some shelter from the storm maybe a lover's arms to keep me warm Or perhaps a drink or two to numb my brain sometimes I feel like I'm going insane Please help me to discover the truth I'm not a very clever sleuth I need to find peace of mind a friend's hand, oh so kind ...
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Wow - I really liked this. I like the progression from childhood innocence to adult romance. I can really visualize the different stages in their lives. I do not think you need to change anything about this poem - I like it the way it is. Great job!!!!
0.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Well, you are good at getting your stanzas to rhyme! In the second paragraph, I think it is supposed to be asleep ( one word, not two ). I am not sure that you had to make all the paragraphs rhyme with hound. It makes it sound a little redundant. You could play around with other words and still have a quite amusing, playful poem. Good job. Needs a little "tweaking".
I like the descriptiveness of the poem ( "as weeping branches may ache with age"). You might want to use a little less , though, and stick to the main idea you are trying to convey. I am a bit confused . Is this poem about a woman, a female dog and her master, or a female and male dog??? It is not that clear to me. Also, you move from single person ("She nuzzles deeply"), and then in the same line you switch to plural person ("they groan with comfort and mastery of themselves"). I think you h...
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