Wow I really liked this. I'm a sucker for crime/thriller novels and you look to have gotten the tone and style of them down pat. It's a genre that calls for pace and the ability to cut the bullshit and get straight to the point. You do just that and also succeed in hooking the reader in, which is of course one of the main goals for an opening chapter. I like how you introduce us to the character of Amy without doing the whole "She has blonde hair. She is of average height. She has a muscular ...

Haha I don't like limericks either but this one makes me laugh. Don't get me wrong; I still don't like limericks but I admire the irony of your piece. Good work. =)

This is a really sad story. I'm interested - it's based on truth yes? I suppose that's beside the point. At first, the changes in tense annoyed me but then I realised that they are actually effective in constucting an almost conversational tone. Almost as if we're at the baby shower too and hearing the story for the first time. Your use of 'conspiratorially' about a third of the way down jarred me from where I was. It's such an awkward word don't you think? I'm sure you could rework this part...

Haha I enjoyed this piece. I think you're making a great point - about the melting pot of cultures and knowledge that is a library. However, I also think that with a few grammatical tweaks you could make this piece flow a little easier, which in turn would emphasise your point a bit better. Some of the sentences tend to ramble a bit and appear quite disjointed. Whilst this does give it a conversational tone, which is nice, it tends to detract from the point you're trying to make. Still, good ...

Awesome. Reads kinda like a Terry Brooks piece. Same sort of content anyway. I did however find the stop-start of the Reverend's thoughts a little irritating. Perhaps if the sentences flowed better, the whole piece would read easier? Or is the choppy sentence structure intentional in that it conveys the stuttering, faltering profile of the Reverend?

I think this piece works very well as a blog. And you hit the nail dead-on; I'm sure everyone partaking in some kind of full-time, 9 to 5 office [gaol] sentence was nodding there head all the way through that one. Kudos too for bringing the concept of the office-massacre to the fore in such a fluent and slightly sadistic way. =) It's a love story really but not in the traditional sense. Instead of the seductive yet elusive female counterpart you've got the seductive yet elusive female counter...

I don't know. It's good. The writing works well, some of your descriptions are really vivid and quite brilliant but I don't think this piece succeeds as a short story. There seems to be no point - why is Frank going back one hundred years? What is Velcon and how the hell does Frank build a time machine in six days!? It kinda works more effectively as a teaser for a longer piece. It's true that short stories often end at the climax (speaking of which, you build suspense well also) but there ha...

Haha you've got the dialogue spot on. I can actually see in my head this whole scene happening, which is testament to your story telling ability. Had I been in your position, I'd have gone insane and imploded. The hyperbole of your thoughts work well between the chunks of dialogue and make for an amusing and enjoyable read. I'm just grateful I was not witness to THAT disaster of a conversation. =)

Ahaha that's brilliant. Ironic. Biting. And witty. Beautiful satire - it was an absolute pleasure to read. Tolerating intolerance? Genius. Good work.

It's a lovely poem ... especially for your age and there could well be many interpretations of the piece but I don't think that extends to the humour/satire category. Sorry. Well-written though and you carried the rhythm well - just wrong category.