sirM's profile

sirM avatar
AGE: 38
LOC: Carmel By The Sea, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 19

sweets with sweets war not, joy delights in joy

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Reviewer Stats
Items
Poetry / Backstage Pass
Version 1
65 Reviews   29 Comments
These words regard the past, reach backward for a beginning something once a stagnant room of antiquated things an armoir with a door that will not close dust on a window that will not open a lover, bare naked, spawled out for you images shrilling through the mind with chains as through a Victorian house wailing in white calling for a place in the present. A part of you is dead talking already as in a dream spilling out of the mind but not like water or wine from a piece of broken stemware. T...
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Poetry / Backstage Pass
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
These words regard the past reach backward for a beginning something once a stagnant room of antiquated things an armoir with a door that will not close dust on the window that will not open your lover, bare naked, waiting for you images shrilling through the mind with chains as through a Victorian house wailing in white calling for a place in the present. A part of you is dead already talking as in a dream spilling out of the mind but not like water or wine from broken stemware. The words ar...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 3
25 Reviews   9 Comments
I I liked it especially when the light from the terrace doors shone through the space between your legs II I stretched out on the bed observing, waiting for you, a woman who tasted like almond III Warmth as joy, a discombobulating thought. Should a man thank God? Does combobulating exist? IV And what is it to finish with a wish? To hold you now, as I once did, To show you, again, that we shared love.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
19 Reviews   4 Comments
I I liked it especially when the light from the terrace doors shone through the space between your legs II I stretched out on the bed observing, waiting for you, a woman who tasted like almond III Warmth is joy, a discombobulating thought. Should a man thank God? Does combobulating exist? IV And what is it to finish with a wish? To hold you now, as I once did, To show you, again, that we shared love.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 5
35 Reviews   8 Comments
We thought alike. When I wanted to row, you wanted to ride And we would embark in your canoe when the lake was calm to enjoy the sunset. A young boy cannot know what a grandmother imagines. An eight year old thinks about steering straight Pushing into the water a paddle until splash after splash leads back to home. We always talked. But goodbye is a thing fully gone. I cannot think of a single conversation. Through gentle ripples, through reflected sunshine, My mind goes no further, surprisin...
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Reviews
Poetry / Jerking Motions
Locked
The beginnng, right through to the end of the funny syllogism, starts the piece off so well. It's quirky enough to be interesting, yet still decipherable enough to get the reader quickly engaged. My only objection regards the reinforcement in your "drunk, alcoholic, wino, lush" moment. It's not that funny. It's not artful. More importantly, you loose your chance to elaborate on your character's other new focus, "pasta." Otherwise, I love the way you lead the reader into this world emotionally...
I like your sentiment, particularly given that some stooge just requested (and got!) a refund for a detailed review I wrote about one of his poems. However, I am not sure why you don't have this on your home page rather than in the que as a poem.
Removed
Poetry / Age
Locked