skip2mylou's profile
AGE:
31
LOC: Chicago, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 16
LOC: Chicago, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 16
risktoblossom.blogspot.com
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Version 1
3 Reviews
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Part One Positive Bleeding “This is very good, Hedy,” she tells me, the teacher with the pulled back braids, graying, and a degree in English. She means my poetry. Teachers are always so confused at the differences in quality between my class work and my “creative writing” assignments. I like English class, but even here, I find it hard to keep my focus on anything more than the teacher’s moving mouth or the hacky-sack game going on outside. Her words are lost in the air between her lips and ...
Version 1
7 Reviews
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Marlene knew a lot of kids who had tried to run away. Something about small town life made some kids restless. Top that with loser parents (drunkards, abusers, deadbeats) and an overactive imagination (or too many movies) and you got restless kids with wanderlust. So yes a lot of the people she knew - what her mom called her "peers"- had tried. Of course they tried to think big rather than logical and so they all failed. She would hear a day or two after a disappearance that they had been br...
Version 1
4 Reviews
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I suppose it might have been moving into the new place. Or my new job at the front office of a large art gallery in the city. Actually, there were about a million things that could have been wrecking me, leaving me buried in stress factors. My daughter, Lillian, was about to start kindergarten. My cat was about to have his balls snipped. I was in my last semester of college and the work load had started to pile on. There was little time to sleep between spending most of the morning, well into...
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Reviews
I love the lyricism here - you have a real grasp of line break and rhyme scheme. I love that you used quotations, too - it's sort of sarcastic and we can totally hear a doctor or parent saying these things. The only thing I would appreciate more would be a vision - something I can picture in my mind. Tell us something about what sickness looks like or a simile to tell us what feeling bad for your friend is like.
This is very unusual and at first, I couldn't decide if I liked it. But the rhyme is sort of infectious and it works. Plus, there's so much more here after the first glance. I like "night sky that's sun-dried daily" and you seem to be using a lot of simply-put brilliant images here. I am still a little iffy with the phrase "somin’ like love" - it's a little more slang than the rest of the poem and it trips me up every time I re-read it because it's more like dialect. But I do like it and I ho...
This is so cool with lots of imagery. The first few lines are a little awkward (I had to re-read them a few times and I still stumbled), but there is a lot of beautiful moments and excellent lyricism. I like "ashen alleyways" and the stones from the soothsayers feet and the idea of being "partnered by ink" (which I'm not sure what it means, but it sounds great and there are several possible interpretations).
*LOL* Um...I have no idea what to say. My educated guess would be that you're trying to be funny. If not, though...
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