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smartins11's profile
AGE:
38
LOC: Chicago, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 05
LOC: Chicago, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 05
Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
3 Comments
Let’s not do the things you asked for You didn’t know what it all meant It is this and that, it’s everything All the messages you sent I’ll pretend I didn’t hear you When you said I had to leave Cuz of all the things you wanted That’s the one I can’t believe Stop your wanting Until you know what you really want Stop your wanting If it means you don’t want me Let’s not do the things you asked for You want every kind of life You said you cou...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
You’re under water And I’m diving deep To find you The shadows around you I cut like vines You are all caught up You are all caught up I hear your voice Though you have stopped singing You say you like freedom But you see no choices I’m not your savior But you can be saved. I’m not your future But I can unlock the door I know about fate and the passing of time But there are things we can do I know about rules and the sadness of lives But there are things we can do You ...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Make me feel dirty Your mouth on mine Make me feel dirty The lightest touch Glowing white Your leg between mine You make me feel dirty The sweetest kind My face in your chest Your breath like wine Make me feel dirty The guilt is mine You are pure when you touch me The guilt is mine
Version 1
9 Reviews
0 Comments
I met a woman She'd done bad things in her life A thief a killer a cheating wife I asked a question What I wanted to know Was it pleasure she felt in all the strife She said the roses that grow on the prison guards' heads are a sign of what's coming ahead She said you know you were born with a heart and hands like mine and you will meet me again when we are dead I carried on She didn't seem to make no sense I had some questions but I was innocent I made her dinner I didn't feel that we were f...
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Reviews
You have set up some characters and a situation that has conflict in it; the question is whether you have thought through your theme and plot here. If this is a novel treatment, then in short form it should encompass some of what the entire novel will convey. Where will this story go? Try to write out the plot (just in linear fashion--what will happen--for yourself); the theme (what big ideas are you exploring?); then think about the form (doesn't have to be told in linear fashion; who will n...
This is material that could become an interesting story, but at the moment it's told rather flatly, like a real-life event. To make it into a comopelling story, you'd need to "show" not tell. Draw out emotions, draw out the visual and sensory aspects of the story, and I think you have to decide on a theme. What do you want to evoke in your reader? Is it meant to be comical? Any story that ends with "the moral of the story is" is not really drawn out to its full potential; and then to say "for...
It is about writing, or any artistic endeavor, and persevering in the fact of unfair criticism, jealousy, and misunderstanding. It's not, you know, heartwarming. It's a little bit defensive, with an elitist edge--those who have criticisms are "hordes," barbarians, people who don't get it. It's not badly written; it's a bit overblown in its sentiment perhaps. Some of those semi-colons should probably be colons, and you have a mix of complete and incomplete sentences ... HEre's an example: "The...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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