smash54's profile
AGE:
34
LOC: Orlando, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 29
LOC: Orlando, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 29
Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
Screaming At Angels- Sometimes, from where she would sit at the café, the birds would sweep in and steal her bread. Oftentimes, like right now, she would smile about this. She would laugh to herself, feeling that wonderful warmth sweep through her body as she did so, knowing that just by smiling she was helping the entire universe in it’s effort to heal. Magna was not considered extraordinarily beautiful by anyone. Not that she...
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Manny kept rubbing his hands together. They were itching worse than normal and it was starting to drive him mad. And to make matters worse, he noticed a wart developing on the side of his right hand. It was a small one by the look of it, but they always started out small. Like problems and lies; start small and get to be the size of monsters. So Manny kept rubbing, hoping against hope that the itch would stop, but knowin...
Version 1
6 Reviews
3 Comments
FURNITURE- “You should take a look at this couch over here.” The old man with the brace around his waist slid between a plastic-covered dining table and set his gaze on the couch. The salesman smiled and wiped his forehead with a dirty handkerchief. “I see by your expression that you like it.” “It sure is pretty,” the old man said. “Well, it can be yours. Just name a fair price and we’ll get it loaded up for ya.” “I’ll give you two fifty,” the old man said. “Fair enough.” The salesman coughed...
Version 1
7 Reviews
4 Comments
Shirley heard scratches. At first, in her head, she thought she was still dreaming. It was a good dream. About Tommy. He was kissing her neck and telling her how cute she was. They were in a field in the back of her house. It was sunny outside and Tommy was not wearing a shirt. She was running her hands over his tight chest and wondering what might be underneath those jeans he was wearing. And that’s what the dream was. And like most dreams, it’s hard to separate what’s fantasy and what migh...
Version 1
6 Reviews
3 Comments
SWINE- George watched his brother Horace being pulled by his neck out of the pen. He watched him struggle against the rough hands of Farmer Blair. George knew this would be the last time he saw his brother alive. And knowing that his turn was next, he rammed into the other side of the gate as Farmer Blair was making his way out with Horace. The gate smashed into Farmer Blair’s legs and he nearly collapsed, but he righted himself instead and pushed back against the gate. George got whapped in ...
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Reviews
For the most part, this is solid. Your writing seems very efficient and clean. And I guess that is also one of my only suggestions. You could really get some miles out of how this guy feels leading up the killing. We learn the how as he sets up his gear and decides against using that silencer, but what are the true conflicts going on in his head? That's the meat of this piece, in my opinion, and it could really be fleshed out with some internal conflict of sorts. Good luck!
There needs to be some serious spell-checking here. Also, I'm not sure if this wouldn't be better served as poetry rather than horror. Again, start with a spell-check (listing the typos here would just waste your credits). And then rework some of your sentence structure to create a more even flow.
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