This is a decent story, and you keep the narritive moving well, which gives you bonus points in my book (if you read a lot of the other stories on urbis, you know what I'm talking about). I would refine the narritive a little bit more. I don't mean to say make it sound sophisticated, but you could add little tweaks here and there to give a better sense of realism. Also, I would alter the reasoning behind why this story is being written. It has a lot of conflict in it that the reader doesn't s...

This is a decent start, though it could use a bit of rewriting. I would try to break up the paragraphs more. It is part of a rule you never got taught: the more black on the page, the more likely someone will get turned off on reading it. That's not so much for the general reading public, just editors and agents in general. I think you also need a bit more detail here. I got kind of lost in details, not sure if I knew all that was supposed to be going on. Relate a touch more to your reader. D...

I liked this poem. Most people would try to give this mood off by writing pages and pages of verse, but you got it across in what would work out to probably be only half a page. I'm not sure how else to critique this, so I'll just give you what I took from this, whether you agree with me, or if you think I completely missed the point. Hopefully, it will give you a better perspective. The poem is told by one who, because of the way he looks, is judged to be mean spirited and jaded. After livi...

As an editor, my first thought was switching it to "Creative thought leaps; my pen weeps". The reason is because it keeps the rhyming words in the same tense (rather, it means they both end with "S"es). Also, using the semicolon gives you another word to play with; you do not need to use the word "but". However, in doing this, you add a bit more mystery to the story (which I like, but you may not). First, since we eliminated many thoughts and narrowed it to one (mainly so you can use the word...

I guess my problem with this is that, while it tells a story, it just plays cute on a cliche. It's about the equivilant of saying, "With my shoddy sewing, a stitch, in time, saves nothing." Yes, I see the duality of someone who is quick in love, but doesn't have any lasting friendships, so much so that she has never been involved in a wedding that wasn't her own. However, There are stronger ways to state this than just switching a cliche around to suit your purpose. I mean, it's cute, but I t...

You use the word "stressful" (correct spelling) three times in 68 words. You can find other words to use. Use proper punctuation, capitalization and spelling. "Unresianed" is not a word (Unrestrained, maybe?). You lose your reader with rambling, barely coherant prose. Edit this down. This is 68 words long; you can convey the same thing in ten or 15 words. I know that you're a beginner, so I'm not saying this to be hard on you. I guess I'm trying to make the point that you need to learn the ru...

I found it a little off-putting that this is written in the present tense rather than the past. That is not necessarily a bad thing; if it ultimately works, do it. Just don't do it for the sake of rattling your reader. Do it because your story needs to be set at the exact moment the reader is reading the sentence. Yes, I know that many stories have been written in the present tense, and to great effect. However, make sure that it does add a better effect. Basically, if you can change it from ...

I know that this writing was an experiment, which is why I won't get into a critique of the story. My actual advice is on your tone. Your tone of writing here seems young and playful. However, this is something for humor, so consider this: A humorous writing style works best when the voice telling the story works in contrast with what's being told. That said, think of the show The Hills being narrated by Chris Rock. How about a legal drama narrated by Paris Hilton? How about Ernest P. Worrell...

I like the premise here of an advice columnist misunderstanding the Aspiring Writer when he is referring to "self-abuse". My criticism is that you have a clever idea (though similar ones have been done before), but the execution is lacking the touches needed to make this really funny. You might not like hearing this, but your writing here is really set up as a junior high school level joke. That's not a bad thing: look at Adam Sandler or early Jim Carrey movies. That's the style you're after ...

I don't think that this would work on the stage as it currently is, and the reason is quite simple: all conflict, no story. I know that you based this on a real person, and everything he says comes directly from his own lips. You probably won't like this, but that's the biggest problem you have here. All this would be on the stage would be two minutes of a pig-headed guy on stage screaming about a girl he doesn't deserve to have. I would step back from using "e"'s real-life words, and making ...