smileygirl's profile

smileygirl avatar
AGE: 36
LOC: Veneta, OR
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 28

Hi there! (: Just to let you know, I am NOT a famous or very published poet, however I do have a MBA in English and have taken many classes on poetry literature. Still, this is only my meager opinion, so please, simply take any advice you can use, and freely disreguard or disdain the comments you do not agree with. (: If you are reviewing my work, thanks so much for taking the time to give me your feedback. It is VERY MUCH appreciated.

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Poetry / Setting Sail
Version 2
6 Reviews   3 Comments
In an ancient width and breadth  I find again life and depth. A long breath, then a sigh breathe in again, two beings alive. Whisper to me, drifting dream of timeago, of fantasy. Unfurl me far from home. Sail my hopes to the orient, rome. Waves of spirit and music entwined sweep aloft my windy mind to far off shores I cannot go on landbound legs and anchored home. Yet renewing and renewed it's rythmic waves return me to you.
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Poetry / Setting Sail
Version 1
2 Reviews   2 Comments
In an ancient width and breadth  I find again life and depth. A long breath, then a sigh breath in again, two beings alive. Whisper to me, drifting dream of timeago, of fantasy. Unfurl me far from home. Sail my hopes to the orient, rome. Waves of spirit and music entwined sweep aloft my windy mind to far off shores I cannot go on landbound legs and anchored home. Yet renewing and renewed their rhythm always returns me to you.
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Version 1
20 Reviews   9 Comments
An abandoned nest am I, high in my weathered tree. So much love has flown from me. I always wait for their Return as seasons pass and years heave by. Ever the witness while all others fly. My solitary pine flutters then sighs while the wind whines and blows. I cannot move. I have no place to go. Then they arrive! Oh emotion! Oh passion! Years of affection in a few moments ration. There is whistles and chirps, then chicks. Feathers, bustle and flurry. The season turns, then they go in a glori...
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Poetry / The Waiting Wall
Version 1
22 Reviews   4 Comments
Sentiment sent, tears spent once, twice, four times a year with weary devotion. I always wait at the wall where your small carved letters are adrift in marble. I kiss them sometimes, with soft lips against the L, or R. A warm exhale breathes no life into them. My arms extend wide, and leaning into the expanse I only gather more cold. It is an embrace gone awry against the chiseled stone. You are not here, but I cannot let go once, twice or four times a year. This wall is for Reverance and Rem...
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Short Story / Soiree On the Styx
Chester, who had talent in an inverse proportion to his enthusiasm,completed this project in a single weekend of boozy inspiration. Hi there. First of all, WOW. You have some serious talent going on. Your vocabulary is excellent, and the written descriptions here are stunning. You make good associations and connections, such as,"A ceiling fan whirred quietly, serving as a rythmic counterpoint to the hum of conversation". What I would watch out for... Some of your sentences are too long. This ...
I really liked this piece. This topic is one I completely understand and relate to, as I'm sure many woman do. The turning point in the poem is almost exactly in the middle with the line, "But I silenced my hate for him at that moment, because she was lost, lost in love, and that is a place I never found." While the first part of the poem describes the miserable girl, in the second half you take a turn and shine the light on the girl's listening friend instead. I found this interesting, well ...
Poetry / Room 203
I really liked this poem overall. The visuals are good: "ceiling grooved with popcorn" "no fill of cotton" You also engage the auditory with "AC sputters on" line. "And" all by itself is a little distracting. That puts a lot of emphasis on a word that doesn't contain any meaning out of context. Really liked the line "visitor former to many others". GREAT JOB! (:
Short Story / On a Sunday Night
Hi there. First of all, I like a lot about your writing style. It is easy to read, and easy to follow. The tone stays fairly consistent throughout, and this story kept my interest in the beginning. What kept me going to the next page was the anticipation of some kind of plot twist concerning Todd, Will, the deceased father or all three. When nothing develops I was left feeling a little deflated and wondering what the purpose of this story was. Is it about marriage? About death? About life aft...
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Addict 5/6
Hi there. Some technicals: He slips inside the door (standing I presume), then later he buries his head in his knees. Maybe he could slip inside the door, then lean his back against the wall, slowly sliding into a sitting position as his thoughts harass him? To have a character standing then suddenly doing something in a sitting position sort of interrupts the movie in your mind, giving it a jolt. "I would never be able to recognize" should be "I will never be able to recognize". "I placed my...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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Poetry / '57 Fireflite
Short Story / Soiree On the Styx

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