socalwriter4321's profile
AGE:
34
LOC: Mission Viejo, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 18
LOC: Mission Viejo, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 18
“the time has come the walrus said to talk of other things, of sails and ships and sealing wax and cabbages and kings tru lay tru la come one and all for cabbages and kings”
god bless doestevski, bukowski, vonnegut, robbins, amis, bender, and but of course tom waits.
I am writing currently at:
poetry:
reknowltoniii.blogspot.com/
prose and essays:
richardknowlton.blogstream.com/
I am just trying my damndest to get published and maybe someday that will happen but until then I will just keep tic tac-ing along and hope the keyboard does not fail me.
Anyone who is interested: I have written one novel, seven volumes of poetry, four albums of songs, a collection of short stories, a collection of essays, and I am working on…
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Version 1
9 Reviews
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Part I Foreseeing The Flannel Fawn Palms up, window closed. The corners of the glass hold in the moisture and condensation builds in curves like snow drifts that have yet to be touched. Staring through the thin clear boundary out at what is and what was. Wondering. Melting behind the glass. His mind retreating into itself like cascading low notes falling over themselves just to be heard over the screeching pulse of the day. Seeing the sun for each beam of light, each ray of warmth grown cold ...
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Version 1
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child like cries from a world found in the minds of men left on shores looking for ships ships that never come men that never come and cigarette holders that make the children sick when they lick them thinking of candy and sweets that are not there in a bowl of hatred found on grandma's table waxed for pristine glisten in a day when the children only want their God damned candy
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Version 1
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Small hands grasp what may or may not be in pearlescient drops of reality's drool like ski jumps of demise found on old men's chins like stubble but wet and in dire need of girls to laugh at what he is but boys travel about and in front of walls simply labeled hate that sums it up.
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Version 1
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Write it write it all day long press on, until those fingers bleed and drop blood upon keys of insatiable value numeric alpha transference tic tac tac tic again and again the strings glide on and timpanis shutter the world of one trying so hard to grab it by the strings of high note splendor with the mustaches of Greek women in the night filled with their Orthodox stuffing catered to by rice as the harpsichord plucks it's way into fields with no dampers no one wants that shit now not even the...
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Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
into shrouds of celestine vision and wrapped up tight in gowns of where life once was and now it is here again flaming this way and that not knowing why or when or how but tipping my glass in the direction of girls who play so soft and silly in sunlight's glare in pastel dresses barrets pulled up hair not even one of simple cares ahhhhh the little girls that make men grit their teeth comb their hair wrong and smoke their pipes backwards in the confusion of a dream found in the head of Bing Cr...
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This seems more like a side story or minor plot in something bigger. Over all the flow to this is stiff and needs to be loosened up. It comes across as a no nonsense reporting of the events and not story telling or story writing. Try to get in deeper with the characters. Bring more emotion into the words and the feel of those first few paragraphs. The begining of this has the potential for so much character connection and emotion but it is lost here. Also, the end seems to much like a scribbl...
This is cleverly written and well recieved by the reader. You put it all together well and I enjoyed the pinball reference as well as the final line about dogs only being able to hear the final synapse - this line really leaves a lasting impression and stirs some deep thought. The only grammatical error I found was one of punctuation and is found in the sentence: "He prayed to God, who, if real, would send him to Hell, that his family wouldn’t blame themselves." - I am thinking a semi-colon n...
Although I do not care for the subject matter per se I do like the repetetive phrasing. I must admitt as I sit here commenting on the piece and looking up at it as I type I find that it resonates a bit more than what I would have thought. Then again I never got Blake, so what do I know.
I liked how you left out "here" in the second line of the second phrase. On the surface you can see and feel the loss but unfortunately not the depth which leaves one curious to the rest of the story. The line about hand "in" heart is the closest we get and it is one of the best lines in the poem.
This will be the third time that I am writing this review as I was timed out after writing the first two and trying to post them for you to read. I will try to be brief this time. I liked this alot and you do alot with it on many different levels. It is also evident that you have done a significant amount of editing as nothing stands out through both of my reads as being awkward or incorrect. You have put alot of time and effort into this story and it shows. It also shows that you know what y...
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