spikiki has no favorites yet.
spikiki's profile
AGE:
14
LOC: Toms Brook, VA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: March 02
LOC: Toms Brook, VA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: March 02
I am trying to be more active in sports, writing, art, pretty much EVERYTHING. I am very perky and I have gone vegetarian recently. Plus, I want to write a book someday. Maybe soon ;)
Items
Version 1
9 Reviews
0 Comments
...And she was rescued by the prince. He kissed her and she woke up and was saved... HAHA! What a joke. Fairy tales are so unreal. The typical fairy tale goes somewhat like this: Princess has problem. Villain tries to get rid of princess. Prince comes save princess. They get married and live "happily ever after." But what that princess doesn't know is that she should forget about that prince and save herself. "But why?" you may ask. Well, because that princess likes the prince for the wrong ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 3
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Eyes staring at me through the darkness. I turn and feel them gazing, watching my every move. The eyes disappear and I hear the noise of leaves crackling under padded feet. Curious, I follow the creature making the sound. Crack crack crack. Leaves under my feet. Crack crack crack. I reach a clearing and see wolves at a pond. I quietly sit under a tree and enjoy the nature surrounding me.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Eyes staring at me through the darkness. I turn around and feel them gazing, watching my every move. The eyes disappear and I hear the noise of leaves crackling under padded feet. Curious, I follow the creature making the sound. Crack crack crack. Leaves under my feet. Crack crack crack. I reach a clearing and see wolves at a pond. I pull out a camera and enjoy the nature surrounding me.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Eyes staring at me through the darkness. I turn around and look at them. The eyes disappear and I hear the noise of leaves crackling under padded feet. Curious, I follow the creature making the noise. Crack crack crack. Leaves under my feet. Crack crack crack. I reach a clearing and see wolves at a pond. I pull out a camera and enjoy the nature surrounding me.
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
I liked this a lot. You describe things well. But I have a few critiques. I think you should edit this a little and look at punctuation and adding some commas. I also think you should make Hell a little more unreal. I love your ideas, and I could imagine the things you were describing, but I thought the man with the missing teeth was using a metaphor when he said it was Hell. I didn't realize that it was actually Satan's place until the end. So you did great. Just make it more obvious that yo...
I found this good, but not the best poetry on Urbis. It has good structure, but it is not very interesting. It is a nice try, though!
0.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I think this is a pleasant poem, until you suddenly put cuss words in. Remove the cuss words and change them to make it more pleasant. I also enjoy how you put the metaphors and similes in, and you should definitely get published.
I like the rhyming scheme of the poem. I also like the structure. And unlike some poems I've read before, this poem didn't make me fall asleep. Good job!
You've got talent. This is an incredible blog, and I don't have any crits. I like the mood it sets, the tone, and the way you wrote this and how it came across. Good job!
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
