Brought a smile, but if this was meant for the contest, I would have wanted more: The words "I" & "even" are not needed - leaving you room to make this more poignant. Good luck.

You are showing some talent. Unfortunately you have chosen a very tough subject to write about. You can't possibly do this subject justice in a flash fiction piece. Your characters need developing. The grief needs to be played out. A friendship would not end that quickly, there needs to be a build up. Leaving your school is too convenient and a cheat towards the reader. You need to expand this. You do this by outlining your plot, theme, characters, setting, conflict. Then you piece them toget...

The beginning was slow, almost stilted. That is because you hadn't found your voice. It was like you were trying to sound like a writer and not being a writer. The good thing is that you eventually did find your voice/style and it flowed well from that point on. So the first fix is to trash the beginning and either re-write it in your natural voice or start at the phone call. That is where the tale really begins anyway. Another major issue with your story is that your character Alex is paper ...

You should love all your work - they are your intellectual children. That said, you should also realize that not all children are good, angels, nor beautiful. Most are flawed and need to be groomed into what we want them to become. This piece, very personal as it is, is very basic and is hallmark in quality. That means it will appeal to the general population for its cuteness and rhythm, but will not have admires from those in the field or academics. Realizing that you are not a poet, it is h...

A very strong message. I have a flash fiction piece along the same lines entitled Circle. Stylistically, this is written in a passive voice. Passive voice tends to make writings feel like lectures. It makes the readers aware they are outsiders looking inside someone's life. Making them feel like peeping toms. Passive voice can work, but it is extremely hard. As I was reading this, I couldn't help but feel a little bored, a little detached, a little out of place. I couldn't really connect to y...

This became tedious to read. It was because of the constant use of "I". You need to limit that. Also became tedious because it was all relating events and not showing them to us. I felt I was being bombarded by Ben Stein by fact after fact after fact. There was no action, no tension, no suspense, nothing. I recommend you redo this and include events as they happen. Instead of telling us about the sibling meeting, actually have it happen. Have the sisters and brothers talk, act, react and live...

Much stronger as a piece. I actually can see your rage better and respect you more for backing it up. But I am a perfectionist. This can become much stronger if you give us a typical day and how others react to you and your analysis of it. Good luck!

A nice anecdote that is really a blog/journal entry. If that is what you intend for this piece, then there is not much I can tell you about it. But since you posted it as a short story, now I have a lot to say. First, this is written in passive voice and in past tense. Combined, it makes it seem as thoug it is a lecture of facts and details which in turn tends to make a reader tune out and feel like an outsider. I recommend you bring this to present tense and active voice. Second, this is a r...

This is ok, but you didn't really drive home the point. I think you should have added a nose and some how added the middle finger. NOW that would have made a clear statement. There once was a time that every ranking you put on your piece would eventually cost you 25 credits. After 5 or so reviews received and you were ranked, the one who was closest to the actual average was psid 25 credit from your bank. Now if that was still in effect, this piece alone would have cost you a LOT of points. G...

first stanza is not formatted correctly. This does read more like prose rather than poetry. I understand why it does, but unless you are aiming to write prose poetry it should be avoided. If you are attempting to write prose poetry, then this doesn't really work for that sub-genre. Prose poetry is much more intense and dense in the creation of emotions, images and metaphors. If it is to be poetry, then what is needed here is for you to go through this with an objective eye to eliminate all wo...