stallions_kiss's profile

i'm not sure if the errors in here are deliberate or not, but if i give you the benefit of the doubt and say they are, it forces the reader into a deeper thinking of your words - does that make sense? i hope so, but i'm running on little sleep, so perhaps not. you can't just read this through with an easy flow, you need to think about the words, and reflect on them as you move through, which i actually enjoyed - i'm sure many would not. i don't feel that your concept is hugely original, but i...

'time’s an arrow, time’s forgiving time forgets as it creates' i loved this - as someone who has recently lost a loved one, and created another, this really reasonates with me. i think you have a lot of raw talent here. i know i should probably be reviewing the poem in its entirety, but those lines are the ones that will haunt me. there is a real power to them. beautiful work.

i feel suddenly so close to you, stranger-friend. i want to sit you down and make you tea and share a laugh just to see your smile. this is so raw and real and very powerful. i feel as though i have either just become your best friend and closest confidante; or i am a snooping sibling whom has just spitefully read your diary and is now punishing themself because they cannot handle the enormity and gravity of your words. a beautifully composed nightmare. i am sending you love; this will stay w...

i am woman, hear me roar.... it is "cute", but i find it a bit immature for a woman of 78. it would also sit better with me if presented as "Balls are for kids; I've got a brass chalice" - but that is just one humble opinion so take it all with a grain of salt. you're obviously very proud to be female - more power to you.

it has a great pace and flow. i'm not sure if i feel this is the complete and polished final version, but it is a decent job so far. the use of some titles being capitalised whilst others are not suggests to me a (subconscious?) emphasis on certain personal feelings - as in i feel you have a particular either distate for, or amusement in, the "Goth" movement; whereas "pirates" and "queens" seem to have been added more as perfunctorily than through any great affections.