stephanloy's profile

Not a criticism, but a suggestion: in the recap, you could just give a short paragraph that touches the main events, then list the characters the reader should know for the upcoming chapter, along with a phrase that encapsulates who they are. I mentioned this before, so I'll reiterate briefly: I think the rapid-fire scene and timeframe changes do not do the story justice. They give it the feel of several disjointed vignettes rather than one cohesive story. I particular, the lack of transition...

This is a fine poem as far as it goes. Personally, I would have liked to see a little more interaction before the ending won out. I would like to have seen a description of the woman, or at least of what caused her to attract the narrator's attention. I would have appreciated a more visual, and thematically suggestive description of what did or did not come across her face before she chose to ignore the person. These things could add more meat and depth to the idea. As is, what you have is a ...

A solid descriptive, introspective poem, especially as regards the use of remembered visuals to illustrate the emotional content of the work. The end is very appropriate, especially with contrast between the mourning mood at the graveside and the more adventurous, playful mood of the boy just beyond, a juxtaposition that comes close to giving a lie to the idea of mourning being both universal and personal.