very succinct, visual and communicative. As an artist, I can identify. The artist immerses himself in the problem, becomes it, then uses the problem as a means to express it.

The only thing that bothers me here is that this in no way nods to the important role of the critic in the art. Clearly that role is important, otherwise the artist would never know what the critic does; he wouldn't care to be bothered with such things. That the critic's words matter, positively or negatively, probably should be acknowledged.

I don't know. It seems to me that this doesn't really say all that much, kind of a tell, don't show approach to the art. It's telling to me that it almost seems you used the reviewer's notes to explain what you were trying to do. Let the words themselves do that. "A state of" seem unnecessary to me, and the remaining three words are so open to reader interpretation as to be robbed of real meaning.

Tense problem. The fourth sentence in the first paragraph is in past tense, though the rest is in present tense until you get to the last six paragraphs, where the work inexplicably falls into past tense again. "A serene smile is drawn" is passive, and does not indicate where the smile is drawn. The line following "He is okay" consists of three cliches in a row. There are a lot of cliches present in the manuscript. This is something to watch carefully. Also the great number of adjectives used...

A solid descriptive, introspective poem, especially as regards the use of remembered visuals to illustrate the emotional content of the work. The end is very appropriate, especially with contrast between the mourning mood at the graveside and the more adventurous, playful mood of the boy just beyond, a juxtaposition that comes close to giving a lie to the idea of mourning being both universal and personal.

This is a fine poem as far as it goes. Personally, I would have liked to see a little more interaction before the ending won out. I would like to have seen a description of the woman, or at least of what caused her to attract the narrator's attention. I would have appreciated a more visual, and thematically suggestive description of what did or did not come across her face before she chose to ignore the person. These things could add more meat and depth to the idea. As is, what you have is a ...

Not a criticism, but a suggestion: in the recap, you could just give a short paragraph that touches the main events, then list the characters the reader should know for the upcoming chapter, along with a phrase that encapsulates who they are. I mentioned this before, so I'll reiterate briefly: I think the rapid-fire scene and timeframe changes do not do the story justice. They give it the feel of several disjointed vignettes rather than one cohesive story. I particular, the lack of transition...