steviemchugh's profile
AGE:
51
LOC: Houston, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 05
LOC: Houston, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 05
My dad was a newspaperman; and it’s my dream to make a living with words, too. I’ve been reading how-to books on writing for years, and understanding is beginning to dawn.
Items
Version 6
4 Reviews
3 Comments
My life was never the same after being invaded by the first of several supernatural experiences. I was a 21-year-old college student working at my part-time job at a 7-11 convenience store. Not long before that day, I’d tried to fill the emptiness that seemed to be swallowing me whole by doing some things I was ashamed of. It was out of character for me to be involved with casual sex and with drugs, and I was devastated that I’d done both of those things. That’s what was on my mind as I swep...
Version 1
6 Reviews
6 Comments
Followed the chalky lines -- alert to signs of poetry amidst black rubber spheres and growling diesel engines -- to a boxy Houston sky scraper that reminds me of the Jetsons and a windowless office twenty-one stories high. From the ground floor during lunch hour stepped outside and heard unseen birds in a row of nearby trees over the rush of air blowing around me. The birds cawed, sang, cajoled exuberant trills, stark contrast to honks of SUVs. At work day’s end, headed to my metal ride, libe...
Version 8
3 Reviews
3 Comments
Stinkhole, a black and hairy depression demon, elbowed eerily silent Loneliness and jiggled its wicked aura inside Jack’s brain. “It’s noon, you tub of lard. Wake up,” Stinkhole hissed. In Jack’s mind, it sounded like the prodding of depressed self-loathing. Needing to pee was the greater motivation. He clomped his feet on the floor, and cold chills jolted some wakefulness into his marginally flabby body. “I-hate-my-life,” Stinkhole chanted with each step Jack took. The demon had an agenda f...
Version 2
4 Reviews
2 Comments
Stinkhole, a black and hairy depression demon, elbowed eerily silent Loneliness and jiggled its wicked aura inside Jack’s brain. “It’s noon, you tub of lard. Wake up,” Stinkhole hissed. In Jack’s mind, it sounded like the prodding of depressed self-loathing. Needing to pee was the greater motivation. He clomped his feet on the floor, and cold chills jolted some wakefulness into his marginally flabby body. “I-hate-my-life,” Stinkhole chanted with each step Jack took. The demon had an agenda f...
Version 5
3 Reviews
2 Comments
Stinkhole, a black and hairy depression demon, elbowed eerily silent Loneliness and jiggled its wicked aura inside Jack’s brain. “It’s noon, you tub of lard. Wake up,” Stinkhole hissed. In Jack’s mind, it sounded like the prodding of depressed self-loathing. Needing to pee was the greater motivation. He clomped his feet on the floor, and cold chills jolted some wakefulness into his marginally flabby body. “I-hate-my-life,” Stinkhole chanted with each step Jack took. The demon had an agenda f...
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Reviews
Terrific work, in my opinion. As I hope to write successfully for children, I’m interested in seeing your progress. A few technical things below. Needs this comma: “Let’s head home for tonight, and I’ll see you all tomorrow afternoon!” “Sadie waited until most of the girls had turned around to pick up their things and approached the coach.” This sounds like the girls all approached the coach rather than Sadie, because of the way it’s worded. “and worked six to seven days a week” is unnecessar...
Fresh, interesting writing with a unique point of view. I’d brush up on comma usage because you’ve got a writing gift definitely worth finding its way to a mainstream publisher, as you grow and improve your story-telling skills (as we all do every time we write something). clapping it’s hands—should be “its” 1st paragraph: add “is”: maybe is about to die. Remove this comma: real life, and not some sort Ditto: small hill, and perch Ditto: down, and give
Great idea and well executed. Don’t usually, but I’ll point out each ‘problem’ I see, since your article is somewhat as a writing expert (a brave venture). “You write, you polish, you edit, you even submit your work to a publisher.” Since this is a series of complete sentences, best to have an “and” in there or use periods. This question is not the typical one writers ask themselves. So I suggest a change: “On a scale of from one to ten, where seven is publishable and ten is godhood, how clos...
“the pub is a student-free zone” – Void is a student, so this segment confused me. “‘Does the unopened letter not signify anything?” The letter is in the pub? How does he know about the letter, if it’s not? Seems impractical to me. Kate didn’t already know Void and Healther broke up a month ago? For some reason, that seemed unbelievable. The pub descriptions are done in such a way that I don’t see it enough to feel like I’m there. Just needs some tweaking, I think. Is the action moving too sl...
Keep writing! This shows great potential. Not sure if slapstick is what you’re going for. If corny is your aim, you’ve hit the mark. It’s an interesting premise, checking on a UFO. I wasn’t bored, but this work seems very amateurish to me. Specifics: “A slicing eruption” I’d switch paragraphs when he transitions from vomiting to typing. “enemy agent stuffed” cucumber torture? Unbelievable, yes, funny, eh. Too many fat insults. ‘No, I’m Simpkins.’ Slapstick? Didn’t work for me. “increases in c...
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