I loved this! The ending is so clever! I didn't even catch on until then, and then I couldn't believe I hadn't. Remarkable. In fact, there are only two things that caused slight stumbles in an otherwise wonderful piece. For example, "How could she be sure about anything? Her idiot parents – it was..." That whole passage is a bit unclear. It's like you've forgotten some words along the way. Your meaning is there, but it brings the reader to a screeching halt and takes his attention from where ...

You are correct. Love definitely makes emo people - even when you don't want to be.

It would be a cute romance, sure. Even if it was written on the bus, you need to edit. Yanno, for example, is not a word. I think you were after ya know. It's fine to use slang, just make sure you spell it right. It's too distracting, and draws the reader's attention from where you want it - on your words. Once you get the editing taken care of, this would be a great piece!

Excellent topic! I love your word choice. Descriptive, evocative, and sharp when it needs to be. That being said, I don't like the form at all. The super long phrases seem out of sync to me. There's no rhythm to them. That's really a personal preference, but to me, even free form poetry has a feel, and yours feels a bit off to me. It's not the words, but the way it looks, which can be just as important as what you're saying. I love the idea, it's just the form that gives me pause.

The pipes that scale the walls....This sentence makes no sense. If you had stopped at haunted by spirits, it would have been fine, the last part is just way too much. What's sheer joy refer to? The pipes? The people they hung? You need to try something else. Something like, Pipes scale the walls of an apartment said to be haunted by the spirits of people hung decades ago for no other reason than the amusement of spectators. That's more clear, but is still bordering on just too much...If it's ...

I loved this. Your word choice was concise, sharp, and extremely well chosen. The way you describe your ideas is outstanding, and the pictures you painted with the words you chose were vivid and remarkable. Your subject could have been dreary and whiny, but ended up miles away from there. Your form seems fine, and your line lengths are consistent, and really lend themselves to what you're trying to say. I'd love to read more!

I think the title is fine, but could be a bit snappier. As for the no punctuation, that's not the problem I have with this piece at all. I hardly use any punctuation in my poetry either. The thing that draws my attention (negatively) is the extremely short lines. It ruined the read for me. I'm sure it's just a personal thing, but the one and two word lines left this poem with no flow what so ever. It was so choppy, and I had trouble deciding which words went together. If you're going to go wi...

Remarkable. Your word choice is clear and sharp. In fact, the only stumble I had was the clock ticking louder...You're not really saying what it's louder than, so it really should be just "a clock ticks loud..." or something similar. Other than that, it was great! I'd love to read more!

Excellent. I did have one problem. Do you mean the key you wielded? Wheeled makes no sense whatsoever. If that was intentional, I missed the reason behind it. If not, you may want to be more careful about editing. I loved your flow, and the structure, and your word choice was spot on. I can't wait to read more!

Excellent word choice! I liked the rhymes, the short, concise lines, and the words you choose are sharp and perfect! I really liked the "red walls as i fall", but was less thrilled with the "feet slip slide in the flood" stanza. It seemed a bit less special - kind of like it wasn't a perfect fit like the other lines. It may just be where it was longer than the others, and that threw the flow off a bit for me. Overall, an excellent piece. I'd love to read more!!!