I think the title is fine, but could be a bit snappier. As for the no punctuation, that's not the problem I have with this piece at all. I hardly use any punctuation in my poetry either. The thing that draws my attention (negatively) is the extremely short lines. It ruined the read for me. I'm sure it's just a personal thing, but the one and two word lines left this poem with no flow what so ever. It was so choppy, and I had trouble deciding which words went together. If you're going to go wi...

Remarkable. Your word choice is clear and sharp. In fact, the only stumble I had was the clock ticking louder...You're not really saying what it's louder than, so it really should be just "a clock ticks loud..." or something similar. Other than that, it was great! I'd love to read more!

Excellent. I did have one problem. Do you mean the key you wielded? Wheeled makes no sense whatsoever. If that was intentional, I missed the reason behind it. If not, you may want to be more careful about editing. I loved your flow, and the structure, and your word choice was spot on. I can't wait to read more!

Excellent word choice! I liked the rhymes, the short, concise lines, and the words you choose are sharp and perfect! I really liked the "red walls as i fall", but was less thrilled with the "feet slip slide in the flood" stanza. It seemed a bit less special - kind of like it wasn't a perfect fit like the other lines. It may just be where it was longer than the others, and that threw the flow off a bit for me. Overall, an excellent piece. I'd love to read more!!!

I love your word choice. You have a erudite, lyrical piece. That being said, though it can be a bit obscure in spots, and the rhyming scheme may drive a purist to drink, I enjoyed it very much.

Outstanding. This is great. It is precise, succinct, and wry. I like anything that gets me to chuckle - especially if I'm not expecting it. I have no criticism.

This is outstanding! I love this! The way you bring inanimate objects to life and give them actual dialog is perfect. Your word choice is clear and sharp and makes for a wonderfully interesting tale. I only have a couple of nitpicks: "While Tommy’s sighs where slow and easy sighs of the content...." What? Do you mean sighs of content? If not, what content? Darn those double meaning words! :) "...greatest of efforts..." This should just be effort. "They were a vast intake of air through a slim...

Apparently, it is so hard. If there's one thing I'm a big believer in, it's self responsibility and tolerance. You and I are obviously two of a very small number that seem to even know what the word tolerance means. Excellent job at bringing this to light. Your tone is not preachy, just questioning. I like your form, and your word choice is right on. Maybe someone who reads this will really pay attention. :)

I don't really think you need the word Emotionally at the beginning. I think most people are going to know you don't mean the poem literally. I think taking that and the one closer to the end out - "Because emotionally..." - will make it a much stronger piece. Also, the first stanza (not including the first word) is sharp and descriptive. Your second stanza isn't. This stanza is weak, not strong, and doesn't follow the format of the others at all. Where's the list of three in the last line on...