succubus's profile

out of all your poems to date i definitely think this is the best one. i love the imagery, i actually feel like i'm walking down a dirty street in Poland. your words are just so well-put-together that i can just skim through the entire thing, and get a lot of meaning from it. this doesn't mean that it doesn't hold my attention. on the contrary, i've read this poem about 10 times before writing this review. it just flows so well from one line to the next. it has an inherent music. the only lit...

this is a fantastic story. i loved it. it's definitely one of the best things i've read on this website so far. you seem to make the reader feel like a part of the situation, yet you do not evoke pity from that reader. your words speak of strength and hope, and of passion. thank you!

hmmmm... ok. it's a good idea. it'just could have been better executed. you need some more descriptions, like, what are the characters feeling when they're doing things? where are they? describe the scenery. the novel would need a lot of that. you may want to pay attention to spelling & grammar too- i've known many an editor to toss out a piece of work after reading only a few sentences simply because of the bad grammer. and you may want to find a few synonyms for the word "said". but otherwi...

so far, one of the better pieces i've read on this website. as one of the previous reviewers pointed out- that bit where the lead figure put his fist up even with his head- that needs a bit of work. i understand exactly what you mean. it is a symbol that most people know, though, so maybe you could just say something like "the lead figure stopped suddenly, and raised his fist, warning the soldiers behind him to stop". i'm no scifi writer though, i'm sure you could think of something better. :...

i liked this piece, and am looking forward to part 2. my only problem with it is your use of grammar and tense. in any given sentence, you should stick to one tense, and not, for example, change suddenly from past to present. this is really just because, for a reader, it can get very jarring- you want your reader to be involved in the story, to feel as if they themselves are there, and that can't really happen when they don't know if they're now or then! ;) and you should just check with cert...