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summerwrites's profile
AGE:
28
LOC: SF, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 02
LOC: SF, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 02
Suddenly addicted to Urbis.
Items
Version 3
3 Reviews
4 Comments
Daniel pulls Aimee's face to his wine-stained lips for a kiss. The strap from Aimee’s slinky white sundress falls off her shoulder so he puts in back in its proper place with a caress. Her raspberry mocha colored hair is styled in a revenge-of-the-dollhouse French knot. “I’m walking Jeremy to his car, be back shortly.” Daniel says, piss-drunk and pleased with the first dinner they’ve had with his brother since buying the house. “Thank you for dinner, Aimee....
Version 2
11 Reviews
12 Comments
Daniel pulls Aimee’s face to his wine-stained lips for a kiss. Bright and vibrant art prints cover the walls, the works of Francesco Clemente. The music of Astor Piazzola resonates throughout their living space. Sophisticatedly scented candles and Yves Saint Laurent’s Paris, Aimee’s signature scent, permeate the air. Aimee wears a black dress with a barely there top: just two straps in a halter traveling to her waist and a slit straight up to her thigh. Her hair is styled in...
Version 1
10 Reviews
14 Comments
I recall drunken tears on crooked streets. Drinking, happy hour on some Bay Cruises. Spilling hair dye on economy sheets, And clumsy sex with internet losers. Sipping Stella on petite patios, While homeless people slept on every block. Walking past drug dealers smackin' their ho's. Seeing men playing with each other's cocks. Deluded drifters, feminine schemes. Due rent, late rent, never an eviction. And long nights in those crowded limosines. Years of living with youthful conviction. I...
Version 1
9 Reviews
7 Comments
Bubble icon hearts, Asian girls with those Bellybutton rings, black almond shaped eyes Nipples evoking the new budding rose Teenage sex exploits get immortalized Confession addicts at our fingertips Everyone is on it mostly naked Literal or otherwise, we who sit Trading sights in lieu of something sacred I could have spent my younger years on screen Those moister extra sexual nascent years Stalked by strangers and faces never seen Glitter messages fall on deaf young ears I must be getting ol...
Version 1
10 Reviews
8 Comments
I start making bad decisions Early in the morning And I find 'round ten or noon A life DOA without warning. I have a thing or two for a man Who loves for girls to adore him Get him amongst those pretty faces Watch him boast and ignore them. The ones who love sweetly, Publicly and without angst They almost seem to quiver for Weaknesses they're up against. On past rolls Midnight, two o'clock and three I don't care, I'll do my hair As soon as he calls me.
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Reviews
I enjoyed your writing and word choices in the entire story. I'm still shocked by your ending, though. Way to floor anyone who reads this! What kind of contest were you entering? You should go for it next time it comes around. I disagree that you should change "rouse" to "arouse". I used "arouse" once in the same fashion and was reminded that it has a sexual meaning. I usually go for that, but not in the context of the sentence. I may not have read closely enough. Why does he assume the packa...
I awake on her bed bound with Sunday chains. - I'm not sure what this means, but it sounds good. :) and spare us both the awkwardness and ethanol excuses. - it might be a good idea to replace the second "and" with "of", or "to spare us both the awkwardness / of ethanol excuses." In this poem, you've captured a moment that most people know. You've made it heartbreaking and funny. I enjoyed it. The romantic in me went all gooey at the end. Thanks for sharing.
I enjoyed your writing very much. It is emotionally powerful. My first thought when reading this was 'What kind of hold does he have on her?'. They don't seem to be married, or at least they don't live together. I think in the treatment it would be a good idea to reveal what kind of bond they have. This might even boost interest in the story on a psychological level, which you have already started to do with lines such as: "Some days I just want to sit on the floor in a dark room and bang my ...
I enjoyed reading this because of its many images. It was a little sad because it has so many ways to say this person feels kind of useless, unworthy or unloved. That is just my interpretation. The first stanza way overpowers the rest in quality, through my perspective. I think it is because it conveys the sentiment in a language most readers will understand. "your love-panes of sugar-glass/break on my head."- my favorite line. the most original image in the poem. love it! "blotting paper mak...
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