summerwrites's profile

I enjoyed your writing and word choices in the entire story. I'm still shocked by your ending, though. Way to floor anyone who reads this! What kind of contest were you entering? You should go for it next time it comes around. I disagree that you should change "rouse" to "arouse". I used "arouse" once in the same fashion and was reminded that it has a sexual meaning. I usually go for that, but not in the context of the sentence. I may not have read closely enough. Why does he assume the packa...

I awake on her bed bound with Sunday chains. - I'm not sure what this means, but it sounds good. :) and spare us both the awkwardness and ethanol excuses. - it might be a good idea to replace the second "and" with "of", or "to spare us both the awkwardness / of ethanol excuses." In this poem, you've captured a moment that most people know. You've made it heartbreaking and funny. I enjoyed it. The romantic in me went all gooey at the end. Thanks for sharing.

I enjoyed your writing very much. It is emotionally powerful. My first thought when reading this was 'What kind of hold does he have on her?'. They don't seem to be married, or at least they don't live together. I think in the treatment it would be a good idea to reveal what kind of bond they have. This might even boost interest in the story on a psychological level, which you have already started to do with lines such as: "Some days I just want to sit on the floor in a dark room and bang my ...

I enjoyed reading this because of its many images. It was a little sad because it has so many ways to say this person feels kind of useless, unworthy or unloved. That is just my interpretation. The first stanza way overpowers the rest in quality, through my perspective. I think it is because it conveys the sentiment in a language most readers will understand. "your love-panes of sugar-glass/break on my head."- my favorite line. the most original image in the poem. love it! "blotting paper mak...