tchrspt has no favorites yet.
tchrspt's profile
AGE:
29
LOC: Virginia Beach, VA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: March 09
LOC: Virginia Beach, VA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: March 09
...just one courageous woman out of the many who is brave enough to show others her work and accept criticism.
Items
Version 2
7 Reviews
0 Comments
She waits on the cusp of something –anything, resembling greatness. Women and children are being raped and killed in Africa, maybe she'll go over there, teach English, the change will be good for her children, who are wil'ing out. Maybe away from the computer, from the video games and the Cheetah Girls and Yugioh and mp3 players and email they can emerge from a manufactured reality and into something...lighter, something…transcendent. Woman looks up positions on the Internet, do something, d...
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
She waits on the cusp of something –anything, resembling greatness. Women and children are being raped and killed in Africa, maybe she'll go over there, teach English, the change will be good for her children, who are wil'ing out. Maybe away from the computer, from the video games and the Cheetah Girls and Yugioh and mp3 players and email they can emerge from a manufactured reality and into something...lighter, something…transcendent. Woman looks up positions on the Internet, do something, d...
Version 1
9 Reviews
0 Comments
Arguments are merely a competition of voice, he'd scream, she'd scream louder. But in the end, his voice won, or her voice was simply ignored, and Woman would retreat into the bathroom to lick her emotional war wounds. In to the bathroom, lock the door, sit on the toilet, hands over the face, hold in the sobs. Woman Courageous never let anyone see her cry; it was a sign of weakness. She lay down on the linoleum floor, the cool tile soothing her wet cheeks, swollen from the rage she holds insi...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
This story has potential but there are a few things you might want to work on. At times, your passage seemed a bit repetitive and redundant. For example, your excessive use of the word "floor" stood out in your first paragraph. Consider using alternatives or ommitting words entirely to avoid sounding repetitive, that is the quickest way we lose our reader's attention. Additionally, your voice at times sounds passive; you might want to watch those filler words such as "that" and "so"; see if y...
I have to be honest here- it was very hard to read your piece simply because the structure was not there. Your quotations were haphazardly placed; I was not aware of when dialogue took place and when it did not. Look at placement and spacing when you upload a piece; it is important for your reader to be able to follow your story in order to gain any type of insight from it. Additionally, the narrator's voice in the passage sounded quite passive; consider your use of dialogue as a tool to help...
Omg (and by this I mean omigod) I thought it was hilarious...I am yearning to read more of your conversations. I was a bit confused at first; I had to read twice to get what was going on; it was hard to determine who was speaking to whom and when. I first thought this might flow better if it was written as a play since it is in fact a piece written in almost complete dialogue. You might want to consider this for future submissions but I think you are on to something here. Gay culture is certa...
It is very heartwarming but it leaves me with a few questions. Why is he heartbroken? It states that Emily's comment cut him at the knees, yet at dinner he really wasn't thinking about her, but his work. I really like it though! I am very interested to find out where Emily went during all of this time. And finding out the reasons from Robert himself as to why he pays more attention to his work than his wife. I noticed you said the work was not finished yet; I hope you incorporate some of thos...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People




