Ok, your premise is clear; you have a co-dependent friend who needs to become more independent and free of the "duty" to others. You are trying to use expressive language to help this friend see their chosen path is wrong. You seem to know what you want to say, but you contradict yourself repeatedly. Take this line: "The path you see before you may seem like the right one, clear of obstacles, bright and sunny" and this one later on: "toss away the clutter that you see before you." Which is it...

I like your style and your voice. It is unique and engaging. I stayed with you the whole time. Your descriptions were vivid, especially those of the chairs, your personal reflection was very apt and relevant to that part of the story, but not because the essay itself was focused. The essay itself was disconnected; from life, from my experience, from itself. It rambles around, giving good descriptions, engaging the attention, then going nowhere with that attention. I kept looking for a point a...

This is actually quite good, content wise. It seems at first like a sci-fi piece, and then, as I was nearing the end realised the different worlds and rockets etc were metaphores for your personality, and those of your (for lack of a better word) dates. Add then the paradox: women are so different from men, and men so different from women, we are really afraid to get to know each other. Poetically, this isn't very good, really. But that is mostly because you are tied to the grammar. Let go of...

Well then. This has an unfinished feel, doesn't it? I'm not sure if that comes from the stanza that has almost no punctuation where it seems there should be some, or whether it comes from the fact that you are very much expressing your own life, and it is not finished yet either. I am impressed, actually, and think that unfinished quality lends an air of finality after all, by contrast, helping us remember that when we go, we will probably not be done either, even if we are finished. I'm alwa...

Is this really your life, or is this narrator a fictional character you are working on? I ask because that would have something to do with my critique. I will start with the general stuff, the conventions of written English. I'm not going to edit your paper, but there are some typos you should get out before submitting to a publisher. Have a close friend read it, or read it backwards. Those are both great ways to get it done right. For the most part, you seem to have a great grasp of those co...

So this isn't really a young adult fiction, its an advertisement. It maybe should be under blogs, since it seems to be an ad for a blog. This is not writing, really, it is about a writing. May I suggest you give us a story, like a preview, instead of this exposition of some of the characters in your world? I will not be going to your blog, if for no other reason than you don't seem to be writing anything fun to read. I get the discription of the creatures, the God, and the rules of your world...

I always say give fives for publishable overall, because everything is publishable to someone. I really do believe this could be used for a larger piece, maybe the climax as the villain of your story wins, or is about to. The real issue here is your writing. I am impressed with the quality of your descriptions. You use very concrete terms and are not limited to visual senses, but use the feeling of the wind also. There are more than two senses, never forget those of hearing and smell, and som...

I'm not thinking this is a real heart-warming piece, so you got a better overall poetry score than the other. The voice in this piece comes across as very matter-of-fact. It could be more of a rant, but that wouldn't help. If you are looking to warm hearts with a serious subject like this you may want to try some humor, maybe sarcasm would be too heavy, but it depends on what you are looking for in the voice. I do like the overall picture you paint here, not because it is a pretty one, but be...

A sonnet. I personally dislike sonnets, even most of Shakespeare's; I think the form requires a syntax and wording that doesn't flow easily from my mouth. This is no different, I stumble over almost every line trying to make it fit my own speach patterns. Which is wierd, considering the iambic foot is all about the natural patterns of the spoken English language. All of this is just about me and my preferences, let me tackle the poem now. Ok, here's where I stumble over the first line. I beli...

There's one of the issues with poetry. When I get it I usually like it, whether it seems like good poetry or not. When I don't get it, I don't know whether to like it or not, even if it has a very poetic flow. From a poetic standpoint this is very good. Your meter doesn't break anywhere, your rhymes placed just right. You use alliteration in the second stanza, and not so much in the other two, was that deliberate? Technically it is very well done, if bit short. On content, I was a bit lost. I...