I think 'nestled' would be better than 'nested'. I liked that you said she left before the ship departed originally, it led me to think it was too painful to watch it slip away, which was a nice conclusion that you let the reader come to on their own. You spend a lot of time describing the build up, which was really good. You gave me a clear picture of the location and atmosphere-nervous idle chater. It really got me to anticipate the arrival and meeting between the two. I was a bit surprised...

I'm not sure I'm really liking the changes. The beginning is good, but then it gets into sounding choppy once he arrives at the plane to assess what's happened. 'My mother sat...She was trying to...Andi was strapped...She was screaming...' Additionally, the part about the log being the sister is odd, not because it wouldn't conceptually work, but because it's unclear the way it's written. The logs moving, then eyes appear, and Chrissy is inside, but then a wave of fire comes. I like where you...

'many have done at' Died? I think this is a good intro. You've built a character, fanatical about the degeneration of humanity, with very few lines. I feel as though I'm about to step into an assassin's mind and listen as he justifies his job. Nicely put together. I would love to know more.

'usurper your thoughts' usurp your thoughts would be the way to say it, usurper is an individual. 'These phantom usurpers' would make sense. 'I spat' not spit. Past tense. 'I knew, I had...I needed to begone' These sentences are very awkward and don't seem to fit really well with this piece. You could remove them and not lose anything. The second paragraph only tells the reactions of the narrator, but it does not show them. You mention them gasping at the stench, but why was it only noticed a...

I thought this was straight to the point, and states its point very clearly and with a lot of humor. It says I could've been successful, but I might have compromised my integrity. I didn't want to do that, so now I create what I want, even though it's not lucrative. I think you illustrated it WELL and simply.

I like the sentimentality behind this piece, but I think the stuttered rhyming hurts it because it's very forced and rough on the tongue. It doesn't flow naturally (i.e. 'the why you are here, I know' 'well/tell' 'heart/part' I'd suggest restructuring the rhymes so they don't sound choppy, such as 'I love you with more than my heart, Jeffery Mind, body, and soul, you've become a part of me.' I love that you're trying to express that emotion we've all felt that renders us helpless to convey it...

The double use of ravenous can be very off-putting and immediately jerk the reader out of the piece. Using it twice to describe your hand then fingers is like hearing a cd skip, it prevents the song (or story in this case) from being fully absorbed from point to finish. You repeat greed and dull eyes quite a bit, too. The same effect is felt again in resounding sound. I think you should use onomatopoeia here in conjunction with resounding, like 'resounding taps'. That being said, I really won...

Very sweet story (I loved the last line, too cute!) and Sarah is the perfect embodiment of a four year old. One sentence feels a bit awkward to me 'Sarah was counting the days...other hand.' It just feels a little odd when you picture it, and the description of what she's doing (counting for her birthday) feels like a last minute idea that doesn't really tie in well. Perhaps adding it elsewhere in part of the dialogue would give it a more natural feeling. If I read this to children, I would m...

The first two lines make me cringe mainly because they feel cliche and too typical of a rhyme for the intro. I think the 'look and you'll see' is what really makes this offputting at the beginning. I really like the lines that follow though, because they are so clear and vivid. Telling us what your eyes, arms, hands, heart, etc is doing really lets us dive in to this piece. It's unapologetic, and very crisp writing. I was a bit disappointed it was so short, but as always, I really enjoy your ...

I enjoyed the changes, and really like how Suzie suddenly has a prominent role in this. The stepford analogy made me smile so large I flashed my teeth. Adding that Peter suddenly needed Suzie for simple trips to a store he's already been to on a number of occasions was a nice little touch that lets us in on why you're agitated. At the end, the two of you missed the turn and are told to make a U-turn, then suddenly you've reached your destination. It felt like it happened too fast considering ...