wow i love that you take the reader on a journey your telling a story and i cant stop reading please keep writing!

wow this is really good im impresed really just one thing mmmm... maybe you could if you want um mix up the ryming a lil for example instead of using two lines right next to eachother with the same ryming word at the end you could maybe switch them up if you know what i mean like you have sleep and keep then tune and ruin you could say sleep and tune keep and ruin if that makes any sense at all i dont know but really it sounds great the way it is already ya know

its a great plot and a good set up for an amazing story but i felt no deep connection to the character i wanna exactly how she felt and describe how she drug the bodies were they heavy was it gross? give me more to see and hear and feel but really its really good i couldnt of thought of something like that

this is really interesting to me and well written the only question i have for you is what is the deep meaning it sarts out simple then quickly becomes more and more complicated with stronger word use. is there a theme?

it allows me to feel for the woman and relate to her on the same level its really well written

seems like your being really down on urself anyways its a good job and i like how you write it